


Lathbora Viran

by jenaicompris



Series: The Long Road [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/F, F/M, Friendship, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Original Female Character - Freeform, Romance, kid in King Arthur's court
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-02-28 23:57:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 38,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2751941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenaicompris/pseuds/jenaicompris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A med student stumbles into a place unlike anywhere she has ever heard of. There she meets the leaders of the Inquisition, helps to close the rifts, and bring peace back to Thedas. Cameo appearances by Warden Gwen (Into the Wild) and Marion Hawke (Rogue) in later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Big Green Ball of What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And more nonsense.

My life was relatively nondescript, like most young college students. I was from a single parent home with no siblings and I doubted my mom would notice much if I didn’t call her. Which I didn’t, not very often. We didn’t have a bad relationship; we just didn’t really have a relationship. Which was fine with me, honestly; I had a few select friends but, by and large, kept mostly to myself. I always had.

I spent most of my time studying; pre-med required a lot of my attention and it was a decent excuse to ignore most people. It wasn’t necessarily that I didn’t like people, it was just that it was easier to ignore them than to try and form relationships. Because relationships are hard.

On the particular night in question, I was sitting in front of my tiny dorm window, scribbling out a chemical equation that I had been working on for several minutes. Green flashed and lit up my room; it wasn’t meant to storm that night so I looked up to see what kind of shenanigans were going on out on the lawn. You know, Greek Row wasn't too far away and the dorm across the street was full of the sciencey types that liked to make things go boom.

It wasn’t on the lawn. I looked in the reflection of the window and realized that whatever was making the green light was come from behind me. 

“What the…?” I started, turning around him my chair. I draped my arm across the back, torso twisted as I looked at the sliver of green light shimmering, about person-tall but rail thin. It snapped and crackled, like lightning but quieter. 

I stood slowly and walked a little closer, squinting at it as I folded my arms across my chest.

I looked around, bending at the knee to see where the light was coming from. I couldn’t find a projector anywhere. I closed my drapes and the light stayed. There wasn’t a thing that could explain the appearance of it. Or the fact that it was, I barely noticed, very slowly growing larger. 

And then I did possibly the stupidest and greatest thing I had done to that point – I can’t say ever, because you don’t know the whole story yet – and reached my hand out.

At first it worked like one of those static ball lamps, the little green flash reaching out and snapping onto my fingertip. It didn’t hurt; I could barely feel it. But then the light reached out again and the next time I opened my eyes, I was clearly not in my dorm any longer. 

I was nowhere near anything I could even kind of put my finger on. When I gained my bearings enough not to wobble, I realized my hand was on a wall made of stone. I was in a hallway of some sort, in what looked like a really old castle.

And then I heard the scream. 

“What are you doing? Not you, of all people!”

With absolutely zero idea what to expect but the need to help basically anyone ever, I hurried to the giant wooden doors and pushed them open with my shoulder.

I thought I was going to faint at what I saw. A woman, an elderly woman in church-y looking robes, was clearly a few feet off of the ground, surrounded in a red glow. There was a group of people in a half circle around her in silver and blue uniforms, clearly armor even to someone without much knowledge about medieval times. 

But that wasn’t what I was looking at. Not really, anyway. The thing that had my attention was the giant man-like being standing just beyond the floating woman. He held an orb of some sort in his oversized hand, glowing green and reached out towards the woman.

He wasn’t a man, at least not any more. He had some humanoid features, but he was clearly…deformed.

The next few moments were a blur; the woman suspended in the air disturbed the glowing orb in the man-thing’s hand, sending it across the room to me. Without thinking, I reached down to grab it.

When I woke up again, I was in the middle of a wasteland. There were vague outlines of people, of ruins all around me. And then, chasing me, out of nowhere was a herd of massive spiders. I hate spiders. A lot.

Without knowing what else to do, I ran. And ran. And ran up a broken part of what I think, upon later reflection, was a bridge. I ran and a woman, the woman that had been floating in the room before, reached out. She took my hand and pushed me through another slit of green light, like the one in my dorm room.

When I woke again, I was being dragged away by men in armor. And the next time, I was seated on a floor in uncomfortable metal handcuffs, more like a mini stock.

It was all I could do to keep my cool. I was in iron on my knees in a dirty room in weird clothes, with a glowy green light in my hand. And the last thing I remembered with any clarity was being in my dorm room.

Had I been kidnapped?

No, that wasn’t right. I remembered the green light. No, I had gone willingly (ish) through to wherever I was. The harder I thought, the more I remembered. Spiders…more green light…a woman’s figure.

I had guards but then two new figures entered, both women. The one with shorter hair stomped forward and picked me up by my collar.

“What did you **do**?”

After a heated conversation, I agreed to help. I didn’t know what I was agreeing to, but I knew I could help. Or die trying. 

My first interaction with Leliana and Cassandra is not of particular importance; well, that’s not entirely true. Everything that happened from the moment I stepped into the green light was important but what I mean by that is I can’t exactly remember the words. Essentially I was being accused of being a terrorist and agreed to do whatever in the world I could do to help right whatever wrong I may have caused. I didn’t remember blowing anything up. I wasn’t even sure I would know how. 

I collapsed twice on our way to wherever we were going and spoke little, taking in my surroundings and listening to Cassandra talk about what was going on.

I felt like I was going to vomit. Where was I? Who was I? _How_?

It didn’t make any sense. Was I dreaming? I hurt an awful lot for a dream. My head ached, pain spiking occasionally from the glow in my hand. 

We fell from a bridge, collapsed by a green missile that destroyed the stones and left us tumbling. 

When we were on the ground, Cassandra pulled herself up and moved forward to attack some monster that I couldn’t name. 

Another creature popped up from the ground in front of me and I froze. 

Out of the corner of my eyes I saw a long staff sticking out of a broken wooden box and lunged for it. I didn’t know what good it would do, but it was better than nothing. 

I managed to grab the staff without incident and flung it out in the direction of the creature. 

A stream of fire released from the end of the staff, catching the side of what could be described as the creature’s head. It let out a shriek and I am not ashamed to say that I ran away. I turned, several feet away, and pointed the staff at the monster again. “Fire,” I hissed, eyes narrowed. A ball of flame shot through the air and hit it in the middle. It let out a roar and made for me. I ran again but slid on the ice, falling back on my ass. The staff dropped and I put my hands up to stop the monster from collapsing on top of me. 

My hands tingled and fire shot from my palms in a stream. As the monster rushed away in a cloud of ash, the fire sputtered and stopped. I felt immediately drained and my ass was totally frozen. I stood slowly and dusted the snow from my butt before reaching down to pick up the staff. 

“Don’t pick that up,” Cassandra warned, a sword point against my throat. 

_I don’t need it_ , I thought. But I stood with my hands out, showing my willingness to appease her. “Okay, Cassandra. Whatever you say.” 

After a moment, she lowered the sword and sighed. “I should remember that you offered to help willingly and clearly I cannot protect you. You should take it with you.” 

Eventually we ran into a group of soldiers and a glowing green ball of light that resembled the one in my dorm room; it made my whole body ache, being close to it. 

We fought the creatures and an elf man – that was pointy ears, right? Elf? – grabbed my wrist and thrust it forward towards the green ball. A thick rope of light extended from my hand into the air, smashing into the green mass. It shook my arm and it made me feel like my veins were on fire. 

The light convulsed and expanded before imploding in on itself. The man slowly let go of my hand and it dropped like a rock. 

“How did you do that?” I asked, looking to the man that had held my wrist. 

“I did nothing. I merely believed something and tested my theory. It seems that you are the key to sealing the Breach.” 

“What he means to say,” a short man with blond hair and a carpet on his chest spoke from beside me, “is hello.” 

I grinned at him, “Hi. I’m Marrok. Well, Mary.” 

“Pleasure to meet you, Marrok-well-Mary, I am Varric Tethras, resident story-teller.” He winked at me when he made the joke and I snorted. Like I had never heard _that_ before. 

“And cross-bow magician,” I responded, gesturing to the machine on his back. 

He did a flourished bow. “At your service.” 

“While we’re making introductions,” the left spoke, his voice low and sweet like honey. “I am Solas.” 

After some more banter and Varric’s commitment to the cause, we made our way to the forward camp and came upon a man that hated me just for being. _That_ was new. 

And then Cassandra made me make a decision. 

“If we don’t go through the mountain pass and any of your scouts are alive, they will probably die, right?” 

Leliana nodded. 

I frowned. “Well, there’s safety in numbers. We should send the soldiers out and we’ll take the mountain path. Hopefully we’ll find your scouts and make it to the soldiers if they need us.”

Cassandra frowned but agreed, told us she would meet us at the pass’s head on the other side of the mountain. 

And we went. It was a damn good thing I wasn’t afraid of heights, because I was climbing up into a mountain on ladders that were definitely not up to code. 

We made it and, thankfully, found a few live scouts that were appreciative of our assistance. After we took care of that rift – that’s what they called them – we made for the First Rift. 

We would fix this. I would probably die, they told me. Maybe that meant I would just go home. 

Varric was worried about the red lyrium, it looked like bizarro-rubies but apparently it was some seriously bad mamajama. I didn’t have much time to think about it as a voice boomed around us; it sounded familiar, but I wasn’t sure why. The closer we got to the rift, the more intense it became and then a woman’s voice joined in, pleading for help. 

And then my voice. “What’s going on here?” 

“You _were_ there!” Cassandra accused. “What happened to the Divine?”

“I don’t know!” I couldn’t say ‘I don’t even know who that is’ because that would give me away, and I didn’t know what they would do with me if I told them the truth. “I honestly can’t remember. I’m sorry, Cassandra. If I remember anything, I’ll tell you. I swear.” 

It was then that Solas informed me I may not make it through this _to_ remember. With a grimace, I turned to the group. 

“Nice to meet you, everyone,” I smiled a little, waving at them awkwardly before I lifted my hand to reopen the rift as he had instructed me. 

And then a monster as big as a house was attacking us. I dodged it as much as possible, trying to stay far away from it and still be helpful. More, smaller monsters popped up and I had to get rid of two of them, trying to close the rift. Every time I aimed my hand at it, the pain seared through me. By the time the monsters were felled, I could feel my strength draining as I held my elbow with one hand. I had long-since dropped the staff as I focused all of my energy until I was on my knees, still trying, still focusing – when the ball of light, the Rift, began to implode I felt pain sear through my system unlike anything I had ever felt before. 


	2. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short. It is much longer on paper. Ahh well. More to come. I am being intentionally vague about what happens with Gwen and/or Alistair because no spoilers for my own stories. So. As far as her name goes, Marrok, she'll be explaining it later. I personally find it kind of funny that her name is 'Mary', in my vain attempt to avoid writing a Mary-Sue and ending up naming her that. It has a purpose, though, promise.

When I woke up next, I was alone. My head throbbed and my body ached. It was a small wooden cabin from what I could tell; I sat up slowly and stood even slower. I was still alone by the time I found my shoes.

The first time the voice in my head spoke I wasn’t sure what was going on. It was a soft voice, without a discernable gender. It said, _Check your reflection_ and, thinking that it was just a manifestation of my conscience or something in my brain, I removed myself from the bed and stepped over to the old-timey mirror. It was an imperfect reflection but that wasn’t the problem. 

I wasn’t me. I was; I saw myself in the features but they were different. My eyes had always been large but they seemed bigger, more pronounced. My cheekbones were higher, sharper. And my ears. I had always had large ears but these were different. These were like Solas’. Not as long or as low, but far pointier than my ears had ever been. 

Perhaps the most noticeable difference of all was the face tattoo. It was light, a reddish gold color that looked unlike anything I had ever seen. There was a double line, the top one thicker than the bottom, from one side of my jaw, passing over my lips but not marking them, all the way to the other side. From my lower lip to just under my chin was a strip and two smoke-like swirls took up the open space on either side. My left cheek was bare, although there were some swirls atop my nose and something that looked like filled-in flame between my eyebrows. Starting on my right cheekbone and shifting up in a half circle over my eye was something that looked similar to a wheel with spokes, although far more intricate than that. There was a similar shape over my left eye, but it was only half of the half circle. My forehead was the most intricate. From one eyebrow to another arched another half circle like the other one, passing over the tips of the flame. Above that half circle was a design like those on my chin, although those resembled more of lace than smoke. 

I licked my finger and rubbed at the line that crossed my lips. It wasn’t coming off. 

_Calm yourself_ , the voice said. _All is as it should be._ Okay, brain. I was in a weird place that didn’t make any sense with a voice in my head, a green light in my hand, and a face that sort of resembled my own. 

What the ever loving hell. 

A petite woman with features not unlike mine but without a tattoo entered the room. When she saw me she jumped, dropping what she was carrying and squeaked out that Cassandra was in the Chantry and would want to know I was awake and then she ran away again. 

I twisted my hair up and threw my elastic band into it – magnificently it had stayed in one piece around my wrist – before I left the cabin. People were gathered around outside, lining the streets. 

They watched me as I walked and a cheer went up as I passed them to find the Chantry. Cassandra, the elf had said, was in the Chantry. I figured that was the biggest building. It seemed like a solid guess. 

I found her with a little direction – mostly I could hear the yelling and I stood outside the door a moment, eavesdropping on the conversation. 

I waited until it died down and pushed open the door, knowing that there was a terrified look on my face. 

Leliana and Cassandra argued with Roderick, the Chantry representative that never liked me, before he left in a storm. They spoke to me a little before a tall man and curvy, darker woman entered. They were introduced as Commander Cullen and Ambassador Josephine. Cullen was _incredibly_ handsome/ Like gruff-movie-star handsome. Like “give me some of that” handsome. 

He held the hilt of his sword throughout the entire meeting, a grimace fighting for residence on his lips. 

Leliana approached me after the meeting and asked me to accompany her on a walk. Afraid of saying either yes or no, I swallowed before I nodded and followed her through the halls, out and through Haven to a frozen lake by the training grounds. 

“I know,” she said quietly, looking out over the glass-like surface dusted with snow, 

“What?” I frowned before it hit me. “About me? How? Are _you_?”

She smiled a little wanly, shaking her head. “No, no. I am from Orlais. But you, you are from somewhere else entirely. The Warden, Gwen, she was – is, I suppose – from the same place. Your speech is similar and you hold yourself much the same. Although you _look_ decidedly Dalish.” 

“Dalish?” 

“Elves from the Dales. Now it refers to the elves that live as nomads, away from society. They usually have vallaslin – the markings on your face – after a certain age. I will try to find you some books so that you can learn more about Ferelden and Orlais. For now, it would be best for you to play along with being Dalish. I will manufacture a story for you and inform you of the details. Avoid answering questions about yourself and if you do, remember what you said so you can keep your story straight.” I was absolutely spinning from the revelation. Someone else had come here? Someone else from my time period, from America presumably. I was not alone. “Gwen, you said? Do you know her?” 

Leliana’s smile betrayed that she did. “We fought against the Blight together. She is a lovely person.” 

“And you didn’t think she was crazy when she told you?” 

Leliana shook her head, “She didn’t tell us for a long time. She told the other Wardens before us but by the time she told the rest of the group, we were all so invested in our friendships with her that she could’ve probably told us anything and we would have believed her. I would advise that you do the same to avoid any major issues.” 

“I will try my very best to avoid slipping. Learning a whole new history is going to be interesting.” 

“My best recommendation is what Gwen did. Do far more listening than speaking. It will help you to learn both about the place you are in and the people that are defending your back.” 

“I…thank you, Leliana.” 

She shook her head again. “No need to thank me, Mary. You are, as far as we know, the Herald of Andraste. I am doing this for the benefit of the Inquisition.” 

“…Oh,” I replied, forcing a small smile. And here I thought she was just being kind. 

_She is; she cannot let you know her true self, as she is long-since gone._

“I appreciate your dedication,” I responded a little late, not knowing what else to say. Leliana looked at me for a long moment before she nodded once and left me alone at the side of the lake. At 20 years old, I was completely displaced with no clue who I was. 

Sounded about right. 


	3. A Good Night

I spent most of my first day wandering around Haven, listening to conversations and pointedly avoiding tales of my life before I closed the rift.

After visiting the alchemist, I spotted Solas coming towards me. I smiled at him before I ducked my head. 

“Herald of Andraste, hmm? How does it feel to be a hero?” 

“I feel like I should have some shiny armor and a large white steed,” I responded, trying to be funny. Was I funny? I couldn’t even remember. 

He cracked a smile – so maybe I _was_ funny – “I feel a griffon would be more appropriate. Sadly, they are extinct.” 

“That sounds magnificent,” I grinned back at him, trying to choose words that would fit the time period rather than my normal vernacular. Thank God for core classes and writing papers. 

“And how do you feel about your new title?” 

My smile grew slightly stiff. “Truth be told, I would prefer it if everyone just called me by my name. Whether or not I am some magical being meant to save all of Thedas doesn’t change anything about who I am. I don’t mind risking my life to save other people, but I don’t want to be heralded-” I snorted at my own joke and Solas smiled –“as someone that is more important than anyone else. You all risk your lives, I just have this green glowy light in my hand.” 

Solas looked surprised by my commentary, his gray-blue eyes crinkling a little in the corners. “You are…not what I expected, Marrok.” 

I winced at his use of my name, unused to hearing it outside of being in trouble or stubborn professors that refused to use nicknames – neither were pleasant memories – but didn’t comment. “That seems to be the general consensus,” I laughed, lifting a hand to touch my newly-pointed ears. “These seem to be quite controversial on the Herald of Andraste. They’re just ears.” 

“It is also this,” he suggested, his fingers grazing lightly over the right side of my face – my tattoo. _Vallaslin_ , Leliana had said. Vall-ah-sleen. Weird word. Not that ‘tattoo’ was particularly better. 

“People are so judgmental,” I reolled my eyes, tugging on the lower lobe of my ears – an old nervous habit. “Prejudice serves no one.” 

“And what do you think of Dalish traditions?” 

Crap.

I surveyed the man before me and realized that he lacked facial tattoos. Okay. 

_They serve their purpose but the Dalish need to learn to adapt and change to continue to grow as a people._

Did I think that? No. That wasn’t me. I wouldn’t know that. The voice in my head was back and it was clearly not _my_ voice. 

“I believe that th—our practices are suitable for us but I also believe that all societies need to be able to grow to survive.” Which, honestly, was true. Sounded like something I would say in PoliSci. 

Solas opened his mouth but quickly closed it after, shaking his head but smiling. 

“I quite like being an elf, but it is not my whole identity,” I offered. 

“And, given the opportunity to be human, would you take it?” He asked, eyes narrowed slightly as he watched for my reaction to the question. 

His words weighed heavier than he knew. I _was_ human. But the voice in my head didn’t need to tell me how to answer that question. 

“I’ll try anything once,” I grinned at him from pointed ear to pointed ear. “Wouldn’t mind being a bit taller, truth be told.” I stood on my tiptoes for a brief moment before falling back flat-footed. Solas looked amused. I understood why Varric called him ‘Chuckles’, because I was relatively confident the dwarf (context clues, man) would have laughed out loud at that. 

“You’re quite perfect the way you are.” 

Immediately after the words left his mouth, his cheeks colored, only slightly, and he smiled in a sardonic sort of way. 

“Perfect, eh?” I continued to grin at him, batting my now incredibly long eyelashes. “Oh, Solas, I had no idea.” I laid it on thick in an attempt to make sure he realized I was joking. 

He cleared his throat and clasped his hands behind his back, a small smile betraying that he understood exactly what I was doing. 

After a minute of slightly - _super_ \- awkward silence, I asked him about his knowledge – how he knew about my hand; general Fade stuff. We talked until my stomach rumbled and I realized I hadn’t eaten all day. 

“I hate to interrupt you, but I am absolutely famished. If you want to come with me to hunt down some food, I would love to hear more.” 

He gave me a quizzical look, “I believe they have some of the soldiers go out collecting food, there is no need for you to go hunting.” 

I paused, unsure of what he was talking about before it all clicked in my head and I started to laugh. I had to cover my mouth, I was laughing so ridiculously. Solas looked at me in a very confused manner until I calmed down enough to breathe. “Sorry…I…meant…haha…Sorry,” I cleared my throat, shaking my head a little, “Sorry. I meant I want to go looking for it, and then…you know, confusion ensued.” 

He shook his head from side to side, although the smallest of smiles on his face betrayed that he thought I was at least funny looking, and offered to show me to the room in the Chantry that held the food stores. He found a blanket while I collected the makings of a decent, if not quite chilly, picnic.

I wanted some Taco Bell like you wouldn't believe when I realized the meat was dried and the bread was old. 

But at least they had fruit. Something that was particularly like grapes, although even better - I could live on those things alone.

I let him talk as much as I could get him to, asking questions whenever I could.

Eventually - unfortunately - he stopped talking, looking at me across the blanket space we had, our food long-since gone. "It seems that I have put the day to sleep with all of my talking," he spoke, eyes glancing behind me at the setting sun along the horizon, "I would like to know more about you, Marrok."

I batted jokingly at the air, fake-embarrassed, "Little ol' me? There's not much to say. I'm just a girl with magic in her hand."

"And her veins," he corrected, although the look on his face was anything but upset at my neglect to mention my magedom. 

"I do suppose you're right, although-" I stopped. Leliana told me not to say anything about my history. 

_It does not change you._

"Although what?" he prompted.

"It doesn't change me. I mean, I am a person just like any other person. Just with magic instead of a mace."

He paused a moment, his eyes searching my face. I could feel them run along the lines of my vallaslin and back to my eyes. "You are nothing like what I expected, Herald."

"Please, call me Mary. Or at the least, Marrok. I insist, Solas." I smiled at him, suppressing the urge to touch his hand that lay atop the blanket between us.

" **Oi** , knife-ear!" The angry term didn't register with me but Solas' face darkened as he looked at the man, clearly a solider, that approached us. "Imma borrow yer lady, righ'?"

Solas stood as the man grew closer, responding lowly to the man, "You will not touch her."

"Wait, you were talking to us?" I asked lightly, standing after Solas. He had moved to stand in front of me. I held my glowing hand closed at my side, despite the pain it caused to clench my fist. "That's odd. Most people here call him Solas. I mean, it _is_ his name."

"I don't care what his name is, knife-ear," he responded to me. A flow of booze breath hit me in the face and I coughed.

"Well, _that_ certainly isn't what they call me. Most people refer to me as Herald," I offered, extending my hand palm-up. The green glow lit up his face, which was now contorted in half-horror at his mistake.

"I--I--"

"You-...you-..." I mocked, raising an eyebrow. "You, sir, sincerely need to re-evaluate the way that you view others. I won't tell anyone about this if you swear you'll never use that phrase again. And if I hear that you do, your commander will know."

"Yes, ma'am, of course."

"And apologize." I demanded gently.

"I'm so sorry, Herald."

"No," I shook my head before tipping it in the other elf's direction. "To Solas."

He did, profusely, before running, stumbling away with his tail between his legs. Solas was still seething. I put a hand on his shoulder. "One person at a time, we will change their minds."

"Do you know what he intended to **do** , Marrok?" he hissed, spinning on me.

"I can imagine. And I understand why it's so upsetting. Because he didn't view me as a person, he felt like he could take what he wanted. He likely wouldn't do that to a human. But hopefully that will change, Solas."

"You have a lot more faith in humanity than I do."

I wanted to tell him that I didn't, really - not coming from the time and place I lived in - but he needed to believe that I did. The voice in my head didn't need to tell me that, I could see it in his eyes.

"While it's imperative for people of all sorts to keep their traditions alive, we should in no way use them to alienate people of other races. It just causes rifts." I cracked a smile and then sniggered a little, realizing too late that I had made a terrible joke. Solas looked at me hard for a moment, not laughing. I rolled my eyes at him and patted him gently on the shoulder, "Seriously, Solas. Everyone is all right, no one is harmed - except maybe his pride. Our dinner is finished, and it is likely time to get some rest. Let's pretend this never happened so we can end the evening on a happy note, right?"

As my hand fell away, he watched it shift to my side. It was a long, quiet moment before he raised his eyes to mine again, at which point he curved his lips in a small smile before he nodded once. He shifted down, collecting the blanket and the knife we had used to cut the small block of cheese he had managed to find. 

With the blanket rolled under one arm and the knife slid into his belt again, he draped one arm to fuss with the blanket.

"'Night, Solas."

"Good night, Marrok. Sleep well."

And, despite my fears of the contrary, I did.


	4. English Isn't My Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should take this time to note that I actually _was_ an English major, of sorts (yay, graduation). Everything except typos are intentional and character-specific.
> 
> Also, this: http://imgur.com/a/hJuOn
> 
> They're not exact. Gwen's hair is darker than that, so is Marrok's. Marrok's vallaslin is wrong but it was the closest the game had. Hers is from an Origins concept. And Marion's face is...off somehow. But it's a vague, fast DA:I version. And for some reason, Gwen has some serious resting bitchface.

When I woke up the next day, in the same small cabin, I sat on the bed for a long time while I processed everything that had occurred in the last few days. I found out I had been asleep for some time after the initial closing of the First Rift. Apparently I had been quite close to death; between the alchemist and Solas, I had survived miraculously. I was in a foreign land I had never heard of, apparently a mage, and also apparently an elf – with a friendly (for now) voice in my head. This was impossible but apparently true – and I wasn’t the first. I was curious how the Warden Gwen had come to be in this place and also if she had undergone such a transformation like myself. Leliana seemed as surprised as I was by my appearance as a Dalish elf, so I assumed not. But I really wanted to meet this Gwen person. I hoped, someday, I’d have the opportunity to do so. Mostly so I could figure out if she knew what the hell was going on.

I was a mage which, for all intents and purposes, blew my mind. I was a scientist. I had been studying to become a doctor – you can’t get much more scientific than that. Well, I guess, like, an astrophysicist or something. I could shoot fire from my freaking fingertips. At first I had thought the staff I picked up was like a fire stick or something – which, in and of itself was shocking – but to know that I could literally roast marshmellows with my fingers was kind of intense. And awesome, but intense. I decided that day, until someone came looking for me to tell me that I had to save the world again, I would practice my magic. Solas had been able to do some cool stuff and I wanted to know what I could do. I kind of assumed that most mages had their whole lives preparing their magic somehow, but me, I had a day or two of consciousness to use it before that moment. I figured I needed to improve a little if I was going to fight the baddies that popped out of those rift things.

I wandered down the path, passed the camp. There were woods around and no people, so I had no fear of injuring anyone. I chose a tree to aim at and started far off, seeing how far I could reach. After testing the distance, I moved close enough to actually hit the tree and tried aiming. That wasn’t as hard as I had anticipated it might be. I tried to think about what I wanted to come out of my hands. Stream, ball. I tried for rain, to see if I could utilize a water sort of magic. The next thing I knew, golf-ball sized fireballs were raining down around me. I squeaked and ran to avoid being hit. Watching it until it dissipated, I could gauge approximately how wide the girth of the spell was. That was new. So fire was where it was at, apparently. That could prove useful. Setting someone on fire would cause some serious damage, and also be very distracting. I just had to make sure I used the storm sparingly to avoid injuring any of my friends. Coworkers? What do you call it when you fight with a group of people that you’ve just met? Comrades? Whatever. I spent all the time I could practicing, until I was utterly exhausted from the effort, and then continued my exploration. Fortunately there was a layer of freshly fallen snow, so that I could follow my own tracks back. I stumbled upon what looked like a massive pile of wood and I remembered someone saying something about putting up a logging stand, or something, and I figured I should tell them about that place. The more I wandered, I found what looked to be an abandoned cabin. Curious, I rooted through everything – the alchemist had mentioned his mentor, and maybe something about the cabin. Fortunately these people wrote in English so I was able to decipher enough of the words on the papers on the desk to realize they were probably his notes.

I felt productive even though I hadn’t really done anything that day, as I wandered back to the gates of Haven. I stopped by to speak briefly to Commander Cullen who, while not rude, did not seem to have much time. I spoke to Cassandra also, but had to beg off as she asked about me and I wasn’t entirely sure what to say. The voice in my head had been distractingly quiet all day, leaving me feel more than a little alone.

I had to avoid Solas until I figured out what to tell him about my history, because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to distract him from his questions if I gave him the opportunity to ask them. Instead, I delivered the notes and tried to duck away before he caught me. He seemed to be staying in the cabin to the west of the alchemist’s cabin and it was impossible not to walk passed him. I was afraid of alienating the only friend I had made that wasn’t living in my brain by avoiding him directly, so when he greeted me, I stopped and turning to ask him how he was doing.

Apparently I looked like something was wrong because he asked me, "Is something the matter, Marrok?"

I was fidgeting and I wished that I had pockets to shove my hands into. I wanted pants. _He_ had pants. "Aside from the fact that everyone insists on calling me the Herald of Andraste? I just wish they'd call me by my name. I'm just a girl with a green light in her hand."

He shook his head a little. "You are more than that, whether or not you were sent by the Maker. But I will call you Marrok, or Mary if you prefer. You did, however, completely answer my question."

Question? Oh, right. "Oh, I'm lost. Like 'which way is up' lost."

"Would you like my assistance?"

"I would love it," I grinned at him.

"Where are you going?"

"No where in particular. I just don't really know where anything is, and I think I've had my fill of wandering around aimlessly."

"Very well," he responded, straight-faced. He made me _want_ to make him laugh. "Is there anywhere you would like to learn about first?"

"Truthfully? Not really. I know where to find food and where to sleep. I can, usually, find my way back to the Chantry - it helps that it's the biggest building. I guess I just don't want to be alone any more."

The look on Solas' face betrayed something I couldn't read, but there was definitely something there. He gestured towards the steps nearest us and I started walking, him falling in step beside me. "I would think, with all of the attention, you would relish in solitude."

"You know, me too. Before all of this, I tried my damnedest to find myself alone whenever possible. Now, though, with all of this going on...being alone with my thoughts is a bit too much. Does that make any sense?" I frowned a little, trying to open up by trying not to say too much. I wanted Solas to like me. I wanted a friend, a real friend, because I needed someone to confide in. I could talk to Leliana, but it was like talking to a wall - a pretty, polite wall but a wall nonetheless.

He nodded a little as we wandered the path around Haven, passing by familiar and unfamiliar faces alike. Some stopped what they were doing to look, and there were whispers of 'the Herald' or some other such nonsense, but no one stopped us. "I spend most of my time alone, if you had not noticed. Speaking with you is a...it is nice."

I could live with that.

We continued to make idle chatter for a little while with periods of amiable silence in between. At one point, a thought struck me. "So I remember Cassandra saying something about you being an apostate. I'm not familiar with the word. What does it mean for you?"

"As you are clearly not from Ferelden," he smiled a little, eyes surveying me as we walked beside one another, "I can understand your confusion. I, like you, am a mage. Any person with magic not in a Circle - Chantry created prisons for those with magic - is an apostate. Because of the war, we are all apostates."

"So it's bad?"

He chuckled a little, "If you ask the Chantry, yes. I could be arrested or made Tranquil. That is when a mage loses their connection to the Fade, it renders a person essentually not a person any longer."

I stopped dead, putting a hand on his shoulder to halt him and turn him to me. "I won't let them do that to you, Solas," I frowned, letting my hand fall back to my side. "I don't know what I can do, but I will do whatever I have to in order to keep you safe."

"I...appreciate that," he responded quietly. We spoke more of the Fade, of demons, and spirits as we began to walk again. I asked him everything I could think of. After a while of milling about, Cassandra came to find me.

I smiled sheepishly at him and told him that I would look for him later.

"How are you feeling?" Casandra asked, glancing at my hand as she opened the door to the church.

"I'm not sure, honestly. I feel less like I'm dying," I laughed a little, smiling at her and stretching out my fingers on the hand that glowed.

The rest of the evening was quite eventful - we discussed what to do next. The mark on my hand, Solas believed, needed more power to close the Breach for good. This meant going to either the templars or the mages for help. And I had to pick whom. Who? Whatever. I had to pick the group to help us, effectively alienating the other group. Apparently the Chantry as a wholly opposed to my existence. And apparently I've been writing that wrong this entire time. Building = chantry, overall group thing = Chantry. I'll see what I can do about remembering that in the future. Med student, remember? Not English. Moving on.

We sent a scouting party to the Hinterlands, to find Mother Giselle - a Chantry priestess that was helping those injured in some town I couldn't remember the name of - and protect her until we could arrive in a few days. The scouting party was somewhere near there already and Leliana sent a raven to them to tell them what to do. It would take us two days on horseback, of which we had few. It meant that only Cassandra, Varric, Solas, and I would be going. I was more than a little terrified.

I spent the majority of the two days running over the story Leliana had prepared for me in my head while I wasn't making conversation with my...party members? That seems appropriate. Right. Anyway. She had decided I was a member of a Dalish clan, Lavellan or something. They were far enough away that they wouldn't be able to disagree, and we didn't need to announce the name. She gave me a written history to memorize so that I could answer questions and a few books about Ferelden. The Dalish information was hand-written, because a Dalish elf reading a book about Ferelden was okay (even though they normally couldn't read, apparently) but a Dalish elf reading about Dalish history would raise some questions. What a mess.


	5. Thoughts and Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is just a short (aren't they all? Ack.) little foray into camping, meant mostly as a lead-in to the next chapter.
> 
> I also don't edit anything until after I post it because I write it in the browser and then post it and realize I'm not nearly as smooth as I think I am. Sorry, guys.

I liked Scout Harding. She was…fun. I don’t know if that’s the right word, but she was cute. Or something. I liked her, okay, get over it. I can’t explain why. She seemed nice. Is that good enough? Anyway. We met her outside of the town that I still can’t remember the name of, went in, and met Mother Giselle. Miraculously I kept up with what she was saying, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t super excited that she was going back to Haven and telling Leliana pretty much everything she said to me. Because I had too much new stuff in my head to keep all those names straight. 

So. I was this…person now. I was a _real_ person. 

I wasn’t somebody back home; not really a nobody, but not a somebody. My mother had never married my father – he was just a guy and she was just a girl, and she was the kind of girl that decided she would rather raise her child on her own than tie herself to a random one-night stand. I didn’t mind, at least not most of the time. She was a lit professor at the university I attended (hooray for cheaper tuition), hence my name. It’s from _Le Morte d’Arthur_ ; the first werewolf story, or something like that. So, the wife’s name was Iris but the knight’s name was Marrok. And she named me after a guy. But he was a good guy, even if he was a werewolf, so, you know, there’s that. Maybe that’s where my fascination with wolves comes in, I don’t know. The face tattoo I got when I arrived was not my first tattoo, but my second. The first one…well, let’s just say my entire back is taken. It was a graduation present from my mother. Between my shoulder blades, running over them was a full moon. A landscape rose from just about where a tramp stamp would start, pine trees stretching nearly to the moon. A river ran, from the bottom of the tattoo, disappearing back into the trees. In the foreground was a small outcropping of rock, upon which stood a black wolf beneath a bare tree, the animal facing towards the onlooker. The entire piece was done in grayscale and black, the white of the wolf’s eyes making them look almost like they glowed. It had been two years and I had already had it touched up once, mostly because I was obsessed with it. It was absolutely magnificent and everything I wanted it to be. Oh, oh! I forgot. Little black birds flew up the…my left, onlooker’s right side of the moon and disappeared into specs. 

Sorry. I’m proud of it and got a little distracted. What I _was_ saying was that I wasn’t used to being anybody important. I was a good student and I studied hard, but I wasn’t valedictorian of high school or anything. I was just…kind of there. 

But these people expected me to convince a group of religious zealots to listen to me? Or at least, not listen to each other? Phew. I was exhausted just thinking about it.

We camped in that town over night, after helping some people out by doing some things that I feel like anyone could do but we happened to offer. Found some food, found some people, did some things. We were going to stick around and do some more things for some more people because Cassandra said it was a good idea and who was I to argue?

We had made a small fire, camping outside of the main grouping of people to avoid being in the way. We didn’t have tents but this place was way warmer than Haven so I wasn’t really worried. I had never slept on the ground before – my mother wasn’t the type of person to go camping – but we had thin blankets to sleep in. It wasn’t comfortable, but it didn’t matter. I was pretty distracted by my thoughts and didn’t expect much sleep anyway. 

Cassandra was the first one to go to sleep, which I hadn’t expected. If anything, I would have thought Solas would have been the first to go down, as he liked sleeping so much. Well, not sleeping so much as the place he went. The Fade, he called it. I didn’t remember anything from when I was asleep, at least not since I had arrived in Thedas, so I wasn’t sure if I went there too or if I still maintained at least that part of my reality. 

Varric told Solas and I stories as we sat around the small fire, Cassandra snoring softly with her back to us. After a while, with the moon high in the sky, Varric begged off and left Solas and I awake, seated next to each other but not close.

”You seem distracted,” Solas offered, his face expressionless.

I wanted to know how he _did_ that. It would be a handy trick for me to learn. I smiled in return at him and shrugged a little. “Just thinking. I guess the more that we talk to people and do things, the more I realize that this…is a **thing**. I mean, I _know_ the Breach is a problem, and the rifts too. But these people…Mother Giselle, Leliana, Cassandra, Cullen, Josephine. They…think I’m _somebody_. Like they have expectations and I have to do things and accomplish…stuff.” I blushed in the darkness, realizing that I sounded like…well, myself and not a Dalish elf or the Herald of Andraste, whoever she was. Well, shit. "What I mean is-"

"Despite your insistence to avoid using proper words, I believe I understand," Solas responded and the smile that curved his lips made me believe that he was poking fun at me.

"Solas, did you just make fun of me?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he responded, but his smile did not waver. "Are you all right, though?"

Again, I shrugged. "I think so. It's just...a lot to take in. Everything. This place is so strange." I stopped before I realized that an elf that lived removed from human society could totally get away with saying that. I relaxed a little as the voice in my head reappeared for the first time in days, _Calm yourself, da'len. All is as it should be._ "It's nice, too, having someone to talk to. Thank you, Solas. Solace in Solas," I grinned. The look on his face at my words were a mixture of different emotions; I could pick out something like concern and appreciation, although there were a few more in there that I couldn't quite decipher.

He stood from the dirt then, moving over and offering me a hand. I took it and stood with his help, even if I didn't really need it. We stood in silence for a moment before he gestured to his bedroll. "I believe it is time for me to rest...Good night, Marrok."

I felt like a tween at her first since-puberty sleepover. Awwwwwkward. My smile probably betrayed that, but I tried to keep my smile as genial as possible. "'Night, Solas. Sweet dreams."

He said something that I didn't catch and kind of assumed he didn't want me to before we split apart to go to our respective bedrolls, the fire low but rolling inside of its small campfire encasement. I assumed someone else knew how to take care of it, and that it was okay doing what it was doing. I didn't know any better on my own, so I was going to pretend it was completely okay. Which, what do you know, it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a picture of the concept art for the tattoo. Or, really, the tattoo but the version in the story is massive in comparison. I don't own this or even know who it is. Also, it's a half-naked dude, in case that's a problem for anyone. http://www.tattooartists.org/Images/FullSize/000263000/Img263477_Wolf_on_the_moon.jpg


	6. Bathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for my kudos and subscribers. And for my review! I love that you guys are enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it.

At first I didn’t realize I was dreaming. It was quite real, my dream. Then again, after being transported to a completely different universe, it wouldn’t have surprised me to discover that the dream was real too. And, after a fashion, it was. But that conversation hasn’t happened yet.

So I woke up in a forest landscape, nothing and no one but trees around me. I freaked out a little at first but decided, what the hell? Worst case scenario, I was somewhere new. The light in my hand glowed, so I assumed I was still in Thedas. I was wearing the same simple nightgown I had had on before falling asleep. At least I wasn’t in shackles again.

As I started to wander around, the voice in my head made another appearance.

_Fear not, for this is the Fade. You are merely dreaming._

”Oh, well, that’s nice to know. There should be signs or something. Yeesh.”

No response.

I scoffed. “You’re just like Solas. I am severely underappreciated for all of the effort I put into making you people laugh.”

Again, no response.

”Fine,” I harrumphed, shaking my head a little. I continued through the trees, the sky dark but the moon full. I nearly walked straight into a lake but managed to stop short.

Then the idea struck me. I knew that bathing here wouldn’t do me any favors in the “real” world – which reminded me that I had to bother someone into telling me where to bathe, because I was _ripe_. At least by my standards. – but I wanted to see what it felt like. And it was _my_ dream, right? I could do whatever I wanted. And I _wanted_ to get wet.

I stripped, taking my time and folding my dress and underthings before stepping slowly into the water. It was warm, but not too warm, and it felt exactly like being in a lake. I felt like I was in water in the middle of the forest on the night of the full moon. Or at least I assumed as much, as I hadn’t done it before.

I lounged for quite a while, floating here and there. I had never gone skinny-dipping before and it had been years since I had swam in a lake. Mom wasn’t much for the outdoors.

I remained content until a snapping twig – a _loudly_ snapping twig – caught my attention. There, on the bank beside my clothes, was a wolf.

A massive wolf, black as anything. It stilled as I looked up and found the ground beneath my feet.

”Well hello there,” I said quietly, watching it watch me. It let out a breath through its nostrils and turned its head towards my clothes, then back to me before sitting on its hind legs between me and my clothing.

”Is that how it is?” I asked the wolf – a him, I decided – and turned to float on my back again. “You assume I have a problem walking around naked. I’ll have you no, you are sorely mistaken.”

The wolf made a noise I couldn’t place but I didn’t move myself to look at him.

”Did you know, da’len,” I tested the word my voice-brain-friend had used, deciding I liked it, ”that wolves are my very favorite animal? I was named after a werewolf from a story that my mother loved. A knight, actually.” I floated closer to the shore and stood with my back to the wolf, showing off my tattoo. I assumed the dream state hadn’t erased it if my mark remained. “See?” I said to the dream wolf. “I carry you with me always. He even looks like you,” I grinned as I turned around, unashamed of my nudity. Why would I be? It was a wolf in _my_ dream.

The wolf’s face did something weird; his eyes looked bigger for a second. I just figured my consciousness was trying to change him into something else. He yipped – a strange noise like he was about to howl but decided against it. I decided not to push it and stayed in the water, the line just below my belly button.

”Do you have a name?”

The wolf snorted.

”Okay, stupid question. Well, you’re my wolf, so I suppose I should name you,” he tilted his head a little at my statement but I ignored it, wracking my brain for a proper name. “Well, the only friend I have here – well, in Thedas, I mean – is Solas, but that’s kind of weird, isn’t it? Naming you after a person I know? Hmm. How about Solace, then?”

The wolf made the same noise again and I shrugged, “I guess that’s a yes. I hope I can dream about you again. It’ll be nice to have someone to talk to about everything, even if you’re not real. I can’t tell anyone the truth, not yet. They’ll think I’m crazy. Leliana’s helping, but I can barely keep everything straight.”

I was talking about my life to a figment of my imagination. Something, I don’t know if it was the voice in my head or not, told me not to talk about my live-in brainmate. 

”Do you mind if I get out now?” I asked and the wolf laid down in response. “I’m going to take that as a yes.”

I removed myself from the water and the air around me was just as warm. That was odd, but I wasn’t complaining. Beside the wolf, the ground was mossy. I so down there, the foliage creating a blanket for me to perch on. I sat with my legs outstretched, ankles crossed, and hand behind me to prop me up. “Can I pet you?” I asked, hand beside the wolf but not touching its flank.

He made the yelping noise. As he had not attacked me when I exited the water, I continued to assume that was yes. I lifted my hand and stroked from the top of his head, down his back. His head, which had been up when he responded, lowered to his paws and I continued to stroke his back mindlessly.

”So, Solace, I know you’re not real, but it’ll be nice to tell someone the truth. So, the thing is, I’m not from around here. Anywhere around here.”

I continued to tell him everything – literally my entire life story. I knew that, if he really was a part of my brain, he would know everything. But it was just nice to _talk_. At the end, my hand stilled between his shoulder blades and I sighed a little, frowning. “I’m just…you know, scared. And confused. And, if I’m honest, a little worried about my mom. I don’t know what happened to me where I’m from. I have no way to know if she’s okay, or if I ever existed. Or if I’ll ever go home. Leliana told me that the Warden Gwen, the hero of the Blight according to a book she gave me, was from where I’m from too. Or probably anyway, there’s no way to know for sure without talking to her. But the Blight ended _years_ ago, and she’s still here. Did she _try_ to go home?”

Solace was quiet as he turned his head to me, nudging my arm to get me to start petting him again. I started petting him and he stood up, turned around, and laid down again along my side. I yawned a little and decided to lay down, stretching out perpendicular to my new friend. He shifted, sliding himself beneath my head and letting me use him as a pillow.

”Do you think she’s okay without me, Solace?” I asked in a whisper, feeling the prick of tears in my eyes as I continued to think about it. 

In response, the wolf made a low humming noise that moved through his back and into me. I don’t know if it was because I was in a dream or what, but the noise or the vibrations made me feel calmer. I fisted my hand into his fur and closed my eyes, falling asleep in a dream.

When I woke up in the morning, my eyes were puffy and red from crying in my sleep. I was, however, clothed. I sighed heavily before I put my feet on the floor in the cabin that was, apparently, mine now and shuffled about. There was a small wash basin of water and I used it to splash my face, hoping that it would help alleviate the discomfort in my eyes. It did, but only a little.

In the mirror that looked ancient to me but was probably newer than not, I examined my face again. It was my face, but it was different like I said. I tugged at the skin around my eyes, the tattoo on my forehead. I made a face at myself before I tied my hair up; I needed a bath.

After dressing in the scratchy tunic and tight breeches that Cassandra had found for me, I wandered into the streets. Did they have coffee? Or at least really strong tea? With renewed vigor at the idea of caffeine, I made my way to the chantry for breakfast. The sun was still just barely up over the horizon, so I knew that they still had to have _something_.

Once in the chantry, I managed to find a roll and some fruit – as well as a glorious cup of what was essentially coffee in sludge form. However, it was magnificent even if it was pretty gross. I drank the whole cup and got a second, then a third, before finally giving in and decided I was going to look for someone to direct me to the bathing houses.

Still nibbling on the last few pieces of fruit, I wandered around aimlessly. I knew where to find Leliana most of the time, but I didn’t like to bother her. She always seemed very busy. I supposed Josephine was the best person to ask, but I still wasn’t sure around her. The only people I actually felt comfortable with were Varric and Solas, and I didn’t really want to ask them about bathing. I had to make a decision, and soon. My head was very, very itchy.

Deciding that Solas scared me the least, I went towards the home in which he normally slept and didn’t find him outside. On a whim, I knocked on the door.

”Solas?”

”Mmm?” Came the response from behind the door.

”It’s…uhhh, me, Marrok? I…oh, crap, I’ll just go ask someone else.”

Immediately following the end of my sentence, before I even had a chance to turn away, the door was flung open. Solas looked harried but put together at the same time, fully clothed. The only thing out of sorts was the slightest hint of blush along his cheekbones which I assumed was from exertion, crossing to the door. “No need. I apologize. What can I do for you, Herald?”

”Now don’t start that again,” I laughed, batting at the air to dismiss the moniker. “Marrok. Please. Anyway. Do you have a minute?”

Instead of saying something cute like, ‘for you, always’, he merely nodded.

I groaned inwardly but smiled at him, “Is there a bathing house of some sort, or anywhere I could bathe myself?”

Color flared in his cheeks and I kicked myself. I was probably making him fifty levels of uncomfortable but he was the only person I wanted to talk to. Immediately after I noticed, I started babbling, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have, I should-“

”Nonsense, Marrok,” it was his turn to be dismissive, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Unfortunately, there is only one house. The other wasn’t in working order and the Inquisition hasn’t the materials to spare on it.”

”Would...would you mind showing me?” It wasn’t until that moment that I noticed the towel-like sheet draped over one of his arms. “Oh, is that where you were headed?”

He looked a little terrified for half a second before his regular no-nonsense face resumed its place on his head, “Indeed. Here…” he extended his hand out, offering me the towel, “I’ll retrieve another after I show you.”

”Thanks…but you don’t have to wait,” I smiled and knew my cheeks were as red as his had been. “I mean, it doesn’t bother me. I’m not sure what people are like here, but it wont…ehh…it’s fine. I mean, if you didn’t want to wait.”

He seemed to be weighing his options. I figured there were probably plenty of other people in there if it was the communal bathhouse, so it wouldn’t be too awkward. At least not for me. I wasn’t offering to get naked _for_ him (although I probably would have, if he had shown _any_ inclination whatsoever…but not really, because I’d only known him for, like, two days), just alongside him. Eventually he disappeared for a moment before returning with another towel and what looked like it had to be soap in his hand. “As long as you are certain it will not upset you.”

”Upset _me_? I’m more worried about it upsetting you, from that look on your face.” I grinned at him, draping the towel over my shoulder before moving so he could step out of the house.

”I just…I am rather unused to being around so many people. I have spent most of my life in solitude, for quite some time. I do not often find myself having women asking me to bathe with them.” The last end of his statement was said in way that I thought, perhaps, he was _flirting_.

”Hold your horses, mister. We will be naked in the same general vicinity and, depending on the set-up, may even be bathing in the same body of water. But if we were going to _bathe together_ as you say, you would _definitely_ know it.” I laughed a little as he led me back around the chantry. The bathhouse was a large cabin-like building. Inside of it were rows of wooden tubs with water already in them. Apparently, there were some people that emptied the water every two people, depending on the level of grime. Gross. I asked, being my Heraldic self, for a fresh batch of water for Solas and myself. I had managed (with Varric’s help) to sell some things we had scavenged before and I had found some coin. I gave the two workers three coppers each, because I had no concept of money, and they seemed thankful.

Solas reached his hand into the water and I saw a stream of light under the surface. I assumed he was heating it and, wanting to test my mettle, I did the same. It looked like a small fire was starting but it was immediately put out. I frowned and scratched my head with the wet hand. “Ehh…Would you mind? I apparently…can’t. Yet.”

He didn’t question me, simply moved over and repeated his action before we stood in silence, facing each other with our towels draped over our arms and fully clothed.

”Thanks…well,” I shrugged a little, setting the towel on the little rack thing that was on one side of the tub before I turned my back to him and tugged the tunic over my head. I was small enough that I figured I could get away without a breastband, but wore one anyway to avoid any snafus. I heard a small intake of breath behind me as I removed everything from the top and twisted my head to look at Solas over my shoulder. He was shirtless also, his pants still on much like mine. His eyes were on my back.

Shit. People probably didn’t have tattoos like that. Well. “Do you like it?”

He swallowed, not saying a word for a long while. The words that he did speak caught me off-guard, as they were the last thing I ever expected Solas to say.

”May I…may I touch it?” His voice was quiet, almost reverent. I felt the heat in my cheeks again, not at his words but at the way he said it.

Ever-chipper, I responded with, “Of course,” before I turned my head around again and folded my arms over my chest to at least cover my nipples. I heard the rustle of him moving behind me and felt the tail end of his breath on my back before his cool fingers traced around the full moon. 

”This is…incredible,” he whispered, his fingers moving lightly along the portrait. “Why…why a wolf?”

”I love them,” I responded, resisting the urge to shrug my shoulders. “I always have. The idea for this just kind of came to me. It popped into my head one day and then I found someone that could do it for me.” I paused, realizing that I was toeing the line of sounding like someone very _not_ Dalish. “The Keeper allowed one of the members of the clan to do it; he was a magnificent artist. Is, I suppose.” I really, really didn’t want to lie to him. I hadn’t _strictly_ lied to him, that I could think of, before that moment. But Leliana _said_ …

He made no comment as to my explanation, his hand stilled along the lower end of the tattoo, above my pants that rode low anyway. Then his hand was gone and he moved away again. “You love wolves, you say? And where did that come from?”

With him moved back from me, I started to undo the laces on my boots as I answered. “I don’t really know. It started as a child. I just feel…drawn to them, I suppose.” I didn’t tell him about my name because I couldn’t figure out how to make it sound Dalish-y enough. I just avoided the subject. “They are incredible creatures.” I paused, setting my shoes down beside the tub before I started to remove my pants. “Actually, that was something I wanted to talk to you about. We’ve talked about your trips into the Fade a little and I…met a wolf there last night.” I didn’t know how to explain what was going on. I hesitated, removing the rest of my clothes before skirting into the tub. I didn’t know how much he saw, because his back was turned to me when I turned to move. It didn’t matter anyway. I was beneath the water with the bar of soap he had given me before I saw him turning towards the tub. I closed my eyes immediately, even though I didn’t _really_ want to. What I saw was pleasant, I’ll tell you that much. He was thin but in a sinewy way, his limbs willowy and graceful. I had to look away, though, because it felt _wrong_ even if it was my idea.

”You were saying? About the wolf?” He prodded as he sank into the water, resting his head back against the wooden rim.

I settled back too, in the water up to my chin with my limbs bent. I used the soap lethargically on whatever I could reach without moving too much. I would clean properly, but not yet. “I named him Solace, sort of after you. Don’t laugh at me. I just…” I stopped, sighing a little. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. Anyway. I wanted to know…are the things in the Fade parts of me? Like regular dreams?”

He looked at me curiously for a long moment. Shit. I should probably know that, shouldn’t I? Whatever. I was painting myself into a corner and would have to explain everything to him before the day was over, at this rate. “No, not usually,” he responded eventually, resting his head back again. “Typically they are spirits or demons. Occasionally they are other dreamers, but that is usually intentional.”

My cheeks flared red when I thought about the fact that I had snuggled, naked, with a demon. “Are demons…ehm…would a demon take the shape of a wolf just to listen to a story? Or see me naked?”

I expected some sort of intense response at that, but he seemed unperturbed and spoke in a matter-of-fact manner, “It is possible, though unlikely. Demons do not tend to play the long game in attempting to sway someone to them. It is likely that the figure you saw was just a spirit that felt that you needed it.”

There was something about the way he said it that I didn’t quite believe, but I wasn’t sure why. I decided to drop it, however, and led him into another story about his spirit friends as I used the rough soap to clean myself before offering it to him.


	7. Kisses and Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just have to share this beautiful piece of art that CommanderSai created. It's Marrok!! It's so amazing, I got all teary-eyed and I just...everyone should look at it. http://artysox.deviantart.com/art/Marrok-500271352?ga_submit_new=10%253A1418590192
> 
> Also...I already have the next chapter in my head, but I promised I'd put this up. I was going to make this one longer, but I have to get ready for bed. After the next chapter, I'll probably be working on an update for _Into the Wild_.
> 
> I want to let you guys know that I _know_ this kind of doesn't make sense. I'm trying to be subtle and not just BAM THIS IS THE STUFF. I'm also trying to decide on a story mechanic. We'll see. But...keep reading! Thanks!
> 
> And thanks for the new readers, kudos, subscribers, and reviews! 
> 
> Also, if you want some PWP, read _Little Red Riding Hood_. It's Solas/Marrok that won't fit into this the way I thought it would.

We spent quite some time lounging in the bathhouse. Solas leaned between us and dipped his hand just under the surface of the water around me, both of our faces a litle red, to warm my water before he settled back down in his tub as if nothing had happened. We alternated between conversations and long periods of amiable silence. 

"Solas, would you... I feel as though my skills are lacking, now that I am here among soldiers. I would like it if you would help me learn more, to train. I was practicing in the woods the other day, but I figured having someone else couldn't hurt." 

"Are you certain?" He asked, a slight amount of teasing in his voice. "I believe I heard a small scream when you managed the fire storm. It may be dangerous for _me_." He chuckled quietly, a small smile on his face.

"Hush," I laughed a little, shifting and resting my arms along the rim of the basin. "So...will you help me?"

The edges of Solas lips remained upturned before he agreed to train me, or train with me, or something. We chatted for a while longer before deciding it was time to remove ourselves from the bathhouse and get to work. The sun was nearly at its apex before we exited into the world again and we decided to find some food before we made our way into the forest again.

"Much of magic is in your own mind. It is similar to wielding a weapon. You have the tool, you just have to have the willpower. It seems you favor fire but that does not mean you cannot learn other spells. For example..." He began before he created a small ball of fire in his right hand, and a floating snow globe above his left. They both dissipated as he shifted his hands, closing his fingers over his palm. 

I tried to repeat what he did; the fire came easy, but the ball of snow ended up being a tiny chunk of ice that fell uselessly to the ground after sliding off my hand. I frowned and closed my hand on the fire, using both hands to try and create the snow ball. It took several minutes before anything even sort of resembling what he had made worked. "This is awful."

"It is possible that you simply favor fire magic; in which case, there are endless possibilities for what you can do with it. You need not learn other magics if you choose not to, although I do always recommend learning as much as is possible."

"I will definitely take whatever information you're willing to share. For the time, I think I would like to learn how to do more things with the fire that I am at least decent at."

"It appears you are also of the healing school," he offered as he stood across from me. "I saw you with the soldier when we went to visit Mother Giselle. He seemed far better after you spoke with him."

I blushed at the compliment, shaking my head. Truth be told, it wasn't magic; I had just used basic first-aid with the tools at my disposal. I shook my head, "No, it was no magic; merely experience with helping the wounded. I have seen many different types of injuries and I have decent knowledge of first-aid. The use of maggots is actually pretty clever, because they only eat rotted flesh - they won't hurt the good skin. Leeches, however," I made a face, shaking my head, "that's just ridiculous."

I expected him to question me, but he did not. Instead he moved his attention to teaching me a few more basic spells with fire, over and over and over. He said between experience and practice, my spells would strengthen. He suggested that, in the future, we spend time working on a barrier but for that day, we needed to rest. I needed to rest. I was drained by the end of it. He said, too, that my stamina would come with experience. The more often I drained my reserves, the harder I could push myself. I figured I would be using them frequently, as we were meant the leave the next morning to go out into the world and do our jobs. 

We spent most of the afternoon together, talking about the Inquisition and the Fade, as well as magic. After some time, Solas asked me about my healing experience. I did my best to explain to him what I could without sounding completely insane. As the time for dinner drew near, we separated. I was weary and it seemed that Solas had something he wished to do, even if he never told me to leave him alone.

I must've been far more tired than I thought I was, because I nearly ran over Varric as I made my way back to my cabin with a piece of bread to nibble on.

"Woah, there, Herald. Have you been drinking?" He grinned at me, eyebrows lifted in curiousity.

I smiled back at him, shaking my head before I rubbed my eyes. "No, unfortunately. Just exhausted. Solas and I were training earlier and I still haven't fully recovered from it."

"So that's what you've been spending your time doing? Getting to know Chuckles?"

I nodded a little, "He seemed the best opportunity for me to learn more about this place because he is, like, the in-between of someone that knows nothing about this culture and someone that was raised in it."

"And you think he's cute," Varric chuckled, smiling at me as I blushed. I waved my piece of bread dismissively but did not deny his statement. 

When I wasn't contemplating the craziness of my existence or wandering around after Solas, I stopped by to talk to Varric. He was kind and he was funny; he was definitely a nice distraction. "You know, I've never been one for baldies before, but there's something about him."

"You don't have to explain it to me," Varric responded with his hands in the air before he shook his head, laughing again. "Are you holding up all right besides?"

We chatted for a few minutes, mostly about nothing, before I begged off to go back to the small cabin and pass out until someone came to find me the next morning.

When I woke up in the Fade - the only reason I knew this, again, was because I was in the same forest as the night before. It was a solid guess, mostly. I was nestled on the moss that I had fallen asleep upon previously, although the wolf was not beneath my head. I sat up slowly, stretching as I looked around the trees and lake. No spirits, no wisps, no demons. Just me, some water, and some trees.

Part of me wished Solas was there to talk to, but I wasn't even sort of sure how to go find him anywhere - if he even was asleep yet. It was only just dark outside and most of Haven would still be out doing things. I was drained from training and, honestly, just from life.

"Are you there? Solace?" I called into the darkened forest; it was light enough to see but overshadowed. There was a night sky full of twinkling stars and the moon, much like the sky in Haven, but it seemed brighter in the Fade somehow. 

_Through the trees_ , the voice in my head spoke for the first time in what seemed like days. I had almost forgot it was even there, or wherever it was, because it hadn't spoken to me since the Fade the night before.

I stood slowly, brushing off residue from my nightgown before I began to pad through the trees on bare feet. It was some time before I was able to find the wolf, his back to me. I still had yet to see anything or anyone aside from the landscape and, finally, the wolf. I stopped a few feet back, not wanting to scare whatever or whomever it was. "Hello?"

The wolf turned his head slowly before he stood up and turned around, coming to stand in front of me before sitting on his hind legs at my feet. He leaned his head forward and pressed his nose into my palm before I started to pet the top of his head. When he was seated like that, his head came up about to my chest, between my short height and the sheer size of him. He was clearly not a _normal_ wolf. He could've killed me in ten seconds, probably, if he tried. But he didn't. He nudged his head against my hip affectionately and I leaned down, wrapping my arms loosely around his neck and burying my face in his fur. His warm breath ruffled my hair, down and dry even though my hair was likely still sort of wet in reality. Here, it was dry and probably fabulous. I was okay with that.

"My friend says you're a spirit," I spoke as I moved back enough to look down at him. "Or, probably, anyway. If I knew how to get him here, I'd invite him to meet you. But I don't know how this place works, or how to find him."

The wolf shook his head a little before he stood, shaking out his back. He walked to my side so that I could leave my hand on his back and then he began to lead me through the forest; I had no idea which direction we were going or why, but I was going to follow him. Because why not?

"I kind of wish you were real," I frowned a little, ducking underneath a low branch. "I mean, I know you're _real_ , but I wish you could be with me while I'm awake."

Solace stopped and moved in front of me so that I would too before he curved around me. I felt his nose nudging into my back before he finished his circle around me and moved back to my side, tilting his head a little. I wracked my brain a little before I realized that I had said something about the wolf looking like him. "Oh! You mean you _are_ with me." I smiled at him and reached out, running my hand down his head. "I suppose that's true. But _nobody_ would mess with me with you by my side."

Solace growled a little before snorting and I _assumed_ it was in response to the concept that someone would mess with me. I stroked back along his neck as we started walking again. "What? Can you really blame me?"

The wolf didn't respond with any noise - we had established that a yelp was yes, so maybe silence was no? Of course, wolves can't laugh but it didn't stop me from feeling silly.

"I wish you could talk, you know. I mean, really talk. I like having you as a companion. But I guess we don't need words. As long as you don't mind listening to me talk incessantly about whatever pops into my head."

Solace made a low whining noise and I laughed, "I'm sure that's what Solas thinks too. I haven't left him alone since I woke up after closing the rift. But it's nice, being around him. I mean, everyone is pretty kind but he just..." I paused, shrugging, "I don't now. I feel...less terrified when I'm with him. Like being here, with you. You both make me feel so...comfortable. Happy. Safe. I don't know. Being here, being in Thedas, is terrifying. Being this person, with a mark in my hand and magic in my veins, this is...all so _terrifying_. But being with you and being with Solas make it feel like it's... _right_." 

Solace stopped again and sat back on his hind legs in front of me, resting his head against my hip as I petted him, almost like some sort of affectionate embrace. I leaned down and kissed this imaginary being's head. We stood like that for a moment before he grabbed my nightgown between his teeth and tugged me down gently. I bent over and when he let go and lifted his head, he laved my cheek with his tongue. I was surprised but mostly amused and just laughed in response; I had kissed him first, so it was to be expected. I stroked the back of his head again before standing up. When he settled at my side once more, I slid my fingers through his fur and let him lead me on another new adventure.

It _so_ wasn't weird that my best friend was an imaginary wolf named more or less after I guy that I liked who was literally old enough to be my father in this weird, bizarr-o world that I didn't belong in.

Hush.


	8. Dream Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...yeah. Be prepared for a serious WTF moment. All will be explained in time.

Solace and I continued to walk for a long time, mostly in silence. Sometimes I would talk to him; I was growing used to him not responding. It was odd at first, talking with no response but I grew accustomed to being okay with just the silent warmth brushing against my side. I was going to have to find a blanket like wolf fur – but not _made_ from a wolf’s pelt because that would just make me sad. The idea that it probably wasn’t possible in this time period also made me sad, but I stopped thinking about it. This being wasn’t _really_ a wolf, even if I loved them. A thought struck me.

”Could you tell that I liked wolves? Is that why you are this…form?” I asked my silent partner, who did not make the yelping noise in agreement. “Promise, Solace?” To that, he did yelp. “Well, okay then. Because that would be kind of manipulative and that isn’t a good way to make friends.”

He whined at me and I frowned. “I know, I know. I should tell _at least_ Solas the truth. But I’m _afraid_. What if he thinks I’m absolutely insane? I don’t…really think he’d tell anyone else, honestly. But I think I should wait, just a little while. I want him to like me – and I mean, like, I want him to want to be my friend. Don’t look at me like that. _Stoooppp_. I know I just met him. It’s not like I’m planning our wedding or anything!” I huffed, throwing my hands in the air. I felt like the person on one end of a phone conversation, where nobody else knows what the other person is saying – but I could _guess_ what Solace was thinking. Or, mostly, I was projecting. “Okay. I’ve known him for a grand total of like four or five days, if you only count the ones I was conscious for. But he’s one of, like, two people I’ve talked to the entire time and we talk _a lot_. And he’s very, very kind to me.”

Solace turned a little, ducking down and I had to crawl on my hands and knees to follow. There was a thicket of branches curved in a tunnel shape that we moved through for what seemed like hours before we made it to the entrance of a cave. It get taller the further in we went, even though I almost knocked my head a billion times. When I could finally stand up again, I tried to form a small ball of fire in my hands. I wasn’t sure if it would work in the Fade, but it did. I held it in my left hand, the one with the mark in it, and managed not to hit my head again. “And…” I continued, having been distracted by trying to move, “…I may or may not have seen bits of him naked today. And I am _totally_ okay with what I saw.”

The sound that Solace made in response to that caught me off-guard. It sounded somewhere between embarrassed and shocked, although how a wolf pulled that off with a half-howl, I’m not entirely sure. I laughed a little at the sound, lifting a hand and rubbing the lower lobe of my ear between my index finger and thumb with the hand that didn’t hold the fire. It was an old nervous habit that I had tried _really hard_ to kick. Apparently it hadn’t worked. “It’s weird, where I’m from we pretty much…meet once, date, have sex, date some more, break up, and repeat. I have the distinct suspicion this is an all-or-nothing kind of place. I’ve never had a relationship for more than a few months, and there haven’t been many of those. I don’t think Solas is the one night stand kind of guy – and, you know, like I said, we’ve only just met. I don’t know how things work here and I don’t want to.. I don’t know, scare him off? Like… I totally got naked in front of him today. I know it’s old-hat to you, but he seemed a little...distressed?”

I had been talking practically non-stop talking between the mouth of the cave and stopped only because it seemed like a good place to take a deep breath. Solace had been leading me through the cave and turned down a fork before stopping. I had only just quieted when we halted. Before me was another lake, unlike the one in the forest in most every way. It was lit up brilliantly from beneath; it looked like glow sticks but I was pretty sure they were rocks. There were stalactites and stalagmites all around it making it dangerous and beautiful but the water itself was free of anything that looked particularly harrowing. I let the fire in my hand extinguish as the light from the lake left the room aglow. There was even a section in front of us that looked vaguely like steps. I didn’t have any idea how deep it was, because it was so clear it looked like it could be one foot or one hundred. 

”This is…awesome,” I smiled, letting my hand fall to my side as I looked around. The lights were blue and green, glowing up from various parts of the water and bouncing off the silvery walls. I leaned down to Solace and stroked his head, “Thank you, friend.”

I was only a little hesitant to remove my nightgown and underwear in front of the wolf this second time; I knew that he wasn’t just my own brain, but Solas told me he probably wasn’t a demon. So I was bathing with a wolf-shaped spirit. No big deal. Half of the soldiers saw me naked in the bathhouse. Well, that’s an exaggeration. But all of my dorm floor had seen me naked when I forgot a change of clothes for after my shower. So. It was fine.

I was naked and in the water , walking slowly into it. The water was warm, like a bath, but it made my skin tingle like it was cold. It was a strange feeling but the whole thing was perfect. After I had stepped out enough to submerge myself in the crystalline water, the wolf slowly waded into the water after me. I closed my eyes to float around aimlessly and stayed like that for a few minutes. I began to talk again, “This place is wonderful. I wish I could live here.” 

”Don’t let too many spirits hear you say that,” Solace responded.

 **WHAT?** I dropped my feet, opening my eyes and screamed when I saw a man – elf, technically – standing where I had last seen my wolf friend. “Who…what…where…”

”Breathe, da’len. I am your Solace just as much now as I was a moment ago. Look at your reflection a moment, if you will.”

Trying desperately not to hyperventilate, I moved to a shallower part of the water, although nowhere near the man, and looked down in to the water. My ears were rounded, back to their old size and my cheeks had fallen to their original location. The vallaslin was gone from my face and I pushed against the skin before I looked back up to the man. “What did you do?”

He shook his head, his eyes never leaving my face, “Nothing. It’s this place. Once we leave the water, our other forms will return. This water in this particular part of the Fade allows your true self to show.”

”So you _can’t_ be a demon, by that theory. I mean, if this isn’t all some elaborate trick to get me to trust you.”

”I am many things, da’len, but I am no demon. I do not know how to prove it to you, but I will never _lie_ to you.”

I was still breathing heavily and not willing to move closer to him. I waded out into the water, keeping my head above the surface as I looked over at him. “So you’re a dreamer then?”

”Yes,” he responded. I felt like he wanted to say more but didn’t. I didn’t press him. He said he wouldn’t lie and if _that_ wasn’t a lie, then he said all he needed to. I watched him from my distance; he did not try to approach me although he did move a little more into the water but not in my direction. He was extremely handsome; all high cheekbones and chiseled jaw. Every bit a rock star, with hair as dark as the wolf’s fur and eyes the same stormy blue. He was clearly an elf, with ears long and pointed up. His body was chiseled, although not bulky. More Solas, less Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

”What…what should I call you?” I asked, moving back to where I could put my feet down. I was closer to him but still a good two feet away. While I looked at him, his eyes never left mine.

”Solace,” he responded, his lips quirked in an easy smile. “It suits me for you. It is probably best not to disrupt too much more of your life, as it has already been turned upside down in every way imaginable as of late.”

”So if you’re a dreamer, are you a real person?” I asked, standing straight in the water. He’d already seen me naked and the water was so clear it didn’t matter if I was under it or not. 

”Yes,” he replied again, still not expounding. 

I decided that he was much more fun when we weren’t talking about him. He didn’t get angry or defensive, he was just the exact _opposite_ of Solas insomuch that the latter talked (a lot) when asked questions about him, although his answers were usually evasive if the questions were personal. Like me. 

”May I say something?” he asked; his voice reminded me of Solas but only because the deepness of it reverberated in my chest. I spoke about how comfortable the two of them made me and, after the initial shock of him being…well, _really_ a _him_ , I felt that same sort of safeness wash over me. I didn’t know if it was something he was doing to me or if it was just something that he brought out in me, but I felt it one way or the other. I nodded at his question. “I wanted to tell you how beautiful the picture on your back is. It was…a bit difficult to do before.”

I felt like I _should_ have felt uncomfortable but, the truth was, I was perfectly content. It was much the same as lounging with Solas in the bathhouse. We remained separate although I didn’t move away when he waded closer. We talked easily – he responded to the majority of what I had spoken about the past two nights, comforting me about my mother and speaking to me about Solas.

”So what is it that you do in the real world?” I asked him and he shrugged.

”It isn’t important. What _is_ important is the two of us, here. Outside of the Fade, we are different. Well, I am. I have a difficult time believing that you are ever anything but you.”

And despite the fact that he was being evasive, I was okay with his answer. I took it to heart and stopped asking him questions about the real world. I grew tired after some time and made to move out of the pool. He stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. I froze as he drew close, watching as he leaned forward to press a kiss to my forehead. I knew we were both naked, but I couldn’t stop myself. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed myself to him in a hug. He made a surprised noise but wrapped his arms around me in much the same manner. If it had been anyone else in the universe, it would have been awkward as all get out.

As it was, however, we parted and I removed myself from the water. When he was completely out of the water, he shifted his posture and the hair from his head spread throughout his body as his mouth elongated into a snout. He was his full wolfy self in seconds and I was glad to know it didn’t seem painful.

He padded over and shook out his fur before laying down. I nested in against him again, falling asleep easily with his warm comfort beneath me.

\----

When I woke up the next morning, I understood why Solas spent so much time in the Fade. I immediately wanted to go back to sleep to see Solace again. Instead, I dressed and went to the chantry for breakfast. As I downed a cup of what passed as coffee, Cassandra found me and tugged me along to the "War Room".

We were going to leave that afternoon, off to do things for people and close rifts. We had to, essentially, market ourselves to gain a following. And, you know, stop demons.

We travelled for some hours on horseback before settling in for the night, after the sun had all but disappeared. We would reach the town that Dennet (the horsemaster... I am so bad at names of places) lived in the next day, if we were lucky.

I spent the day speaking with everyone but the evening listening to stories.

Varric and Cassandra went to bed early again, leaving Solas and I to ourselves again.

"Solas, I have another question about demons."

He looked at me for a long moment before he nodded.

"I know they can change shape but...there's this lake my friend in the Fade took me to. It changed his shape into a man. He said it was a pool that showed you as who you truly are. Is that...a thing?"

He looked to be contemplating my question for a moment before he nodded, "Yes, I believe so. Is this man a spirit?"

I shook my head, "He said he was a dreamer, although I'm not sure why he's a wolf normally."

Recognition crossed Solas' face but he quickly reset his look, "Perhaps it is no longer a choice."

"Is he a person outside of the Fade?"

"That is likely, although only he could tell you for certain."

"He didn't want to talk about himself outside of the Fade. Do you think that's bad?"

"It could be. Or he could simply be someone else entirely and he needs to remain secret. Or he could be lying to you. Are you certain the pool was what he said it was?"

I nodded, "My vallaslin disappeared when I entered the water. I didn't notice until he told me, but I could see it in my reflection."

"Curious," he replied, although he didn't seem nearly as interested as I thought he would.

"Do you think he is safe?"

"As long as you do not agree to carry him out of the Fade, you should be all right. If he meant to attack you, it is likely that he would have done so already." Something seemed off about Solas and his responses, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was.

"Can I find you in the Fade?"

At this, he smiled. "You do not get your fill while awake?"

I shook my head, "Hardly. There has never been someone like you in my life."

The look on his face warmed my heart, even if it was short-lived. I knew it was too soon to express much of an interest in him, but I really wanted him to know how much I appreciated him.

"I know we haven't known each other for very long, but I really...like talking to you."

I...thank you, Marrok. I'm not quite used to having corporeal friends."

"I look forward to helping you make more."

We parted for sleep shortly thereafter. I realized as I woke in the Fade that Solas had never given me a direct answer about finding him.


	9. (Bed)Rolls and Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like some of you are going to mutiny after this chapter but I _promise_ , it'll all make sense eventually.

After I sat up, I realized that Solace was already in the water beside me. I stood, awkwardly beside the pool, looking at him for a long moment.

“Is something the matter, Marrok?” he asked, his voice low and velvety. He _was_ pretty hot, even if he was sort of a werewolf or something.

I let out a long stream of air before I shrugged and removed the tunic and breeches, just like the ones I had worn in the real world. I tossed it to the side, not bothering to fold it this time. My cheeks were flaring as I walked into the water, not able to look him in the eyes as I did so. “It’s…different now,” I responded after I was waist-deep in the water.

“Different?” He intoned, staying perched on the outcropping of rock across the distance of the underground lake.

“Yes. I mean, I didn’t know you were a man before, when I…you know, got naked the first time. Or the second time, for that matter. And, you know, we’re friends.” I shrugged a little, sliding into the water up to my chin and keeping myself afloat.

“I could get out, if you like,” he offered, gesturing with his hand to the ground around us. I shook my head before I dipped my head beneath the water; it felt cool against my embarrassment-heated cheeks.

“No need. It’s just…being naked with you feels different.”

“Why?”

I blanched. That was a fairly good question. “I don’t honestly know, Solace. It’s just…well, being naked has never really bothered me. I was bathing in front of Solas, and that was fine. I guess I wasn’t full front nudity around him, though. At least, not that I know of. I doubt he would look.”

“Trust me,” he said, a wolfish grin tugging at his lips, “he was looking.”

I laughed, feeling my face color again to the top of my now-rounded ears. I shook my head, “I doubt it. He’s so…I don’t know. Solas-y.”

“And isn’t that what you like about him?”

“Well, _yes_ , but- Oh, I don’t even know why I’m bothering worrying about this. I haven’t known him more than a week. Where I’m from, I’d probably be throwing myself at him right now. But here, it’s like… I don’t know, I told you about it already. It’s different here.”

“Does it have to be?”

“Can I be honest with you?” I asked, moving closer to him a little at a time.

“Please do,” he nodded a little, moving over to make room for me on the rock. It curved where he sat, so that if I sat down too I would be facing him rather than sitting exactly beside him.

I made my way to him and settled in as if in a chair, trying to figure out how keep my chest below the water before I realized that it was kind of useless. Sure, the water distorted my chest a little but it was the same general concept and my back didn’t approve – mostly because I would have been practically bent double. “There’s you, too. I don’t know. I mean, you’re not… really real, are you? At least not to me. I can’t talk to you when I’m awake, and I can’t be asleep every minute of the day.”

He moved from the rock perch and floated in the water directly in front of me before he put his hands on either side of my hips, his chest bumping against my legs as he pulled himself up. Parts of him brushed against me that I tried to ignore.

One of his hands covered mine and he looked up at me, his gray-blue eyes reminding me of someone. I couldn’t put my finger on it.

“Does this feel real?” he asked, a dark eyebrow quirked.

I rolled my eyes at him and laughed a little, “This is so movie-esque, it’s crazy.”

“Movie-esque?”

“Like a movie.”

“What’s a movie?”

I giggle-snorted (not a very attractive sound, mind you) before I tipped my head back and laughed. It was a good, long laugh – the manic sort of laugh that comes from when you’re about to break but something just hits you right and the world is hilarious all over again. He began to chuckle lowly, letting go of my hand as he settled his forearms on the stone beside my hips. With him in that position, his chest was pressed against  my knees and shins but his torso was longer than my legs (which was good, because otherwise I would’ve been playing footsie with his you-know-what) and his body was curved out, half-floating. His head was about level with my chest, a little lower – but his eyes, when I was looking, were on my face.

“A movie…”I gasped for breath, leaning my back against the rock behind me. “…a movie is like…you know how memories can replay in your head? It’s like that, but other people watch it. Like…books acted out by people, that’s probably a better way to say it. Like stage acting, but it is put on something called film so people can play it whenever they want. Does that make sense?”

He nodded a little before he furrowed his eyebrows, watching me intently. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

I shrugged a little, “Kind of, but not…like, you don’t need to move or anything. When I think about it, I’ve been laying my head sort of on your chest for the last two nights. The only different between doing this like this and doing this out of the water is _my_ nightgown. And it isn’t like you’re feeling me up.”

“What does that me—oh,” he laughed, an eyebrow cocked and the same, predatory grin flittering over his features briefly. “I believe you were going to compliment me a few moments ago.”

“What? Oh, you mean – yeah. I don’t really know what’s going on any more. I’ve been transported through time and probably space to a place full of magic and demons and craziness. And now there are two guys, giving me all of their attention. And it isn’t like you both aren’t particularly attractive. I don’t know, Solace. Does this even count?”

“What do you mean? You will remember.” Again, that grin, “You would most _certainly_ remember.”

“But are you…even you, like this? Who _are_ you?”

He frowned a little, pushing off of the rock and floating between my rock and his before he lifted himself out of the water to his seat again. “I am your Solace.”

“But you’re a _wolf_. I mean, most of the time.”

“Not really,” he responded, hefting himself completely out of the water and onto the side of the pool, his feet removed also. He didn’t change. I was too distracted by the implications of what he was doing to pay too much attention to his body – but, what I did glance at was… _very_ nice.

“But you said this pool-”

“That’s still true,” he stopped me, lifting a hand to keep me from going, lest I work myself into a tizzy. “I often prefer my wolf form. It is easier to walk about; you are less harassed here as an animal, and often seen as less of a threat. There is just no hiding here.” He slid himself back into the water across from me.

“Then…you really are this guy?” I gestured to him, eyes wide. He nodded. I blinked at him. “So…who _are_ you?”

“Who are _you_?” he responded, eyebrow quirked.

“Valid,” I shrugged a little, “But you’re avoiding my question.”

“I am your Solace. Can that not be enough for now?”

I looked at him, hard, for a long few moments.  “Fine.”

“Fine?”

“Fine. You can be my Solace for now, and I’ll forgive the fact that you _clearly_ aren’t telling me something. You said you’d never lie to me; I suppose that doesn’t mean you’ll always tell me the whole truth.”

“I…appreciate your understanding,” was his response as he leaned back, lifting one arm to drape over the upper lip of the lake’s edge. “I promise, Marrok – someday, everything will make sense.”

I snorted, “I thought you said you’d never lie.”

He grinned.

The rest of the night we spent talking about everything and nothing – my home, Thedas, Solas. Mostly I did the talking, which was weird for me – but Solace asked questions and I answered. It was easier than trying to pry stuff out of him, although he would tell me some stories. Mostly very vague things that told more about his personality than his life.

When we left the pool, he didn’t transform this time. Although I hadn’t noticed it before, there was a small bed-like pile of natural things – hay, moss, et cetera – with a blanket draped over it. I didn’t know where it came from, although I assumed that Solace had done it. I hesitated between my nightgown and the bed as he passed me by and to lie down.

I thought, what difference does it make? and shrugged it off before I joined him on the bed. I snuggled up beside him, both of us still slightly wet and my hair dripping as I settled my head onto his chest, my forehead touching his chin.

“Are you uncomfortable?”

“Immensely,” I laughed a little, embarrassed as I tried to figure out what to do with my hands. My right arm, the one that was on the bottom, was stuffed between us while my left one was settled on my own hip. He reached over and took it; I couldn’t watch him because another part of his anatomy would be in my direct line of sight. He pulled my hand onto his chest and held it there with his own.

“You are safe, da’len. I won’t let anything harm you, here or anywhere else.”

And, for some reason, I believed him.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt _weird_. I stretched on my bedroll, staring up into the sky streaked with morning.

“Coffee?” Varric asked from my side. I sat up slowly, taking the wooden traveling cup from him.

“Oh, I love you,” I grinned at him after I took a drink. I was slowly getting used to it. “When are we supposed to leave?”

“Solas is still asleep, but shortly, I imagine. Do you want to wake him up, or shall I?”

“I can,” I shrugged a little, downing the coffee – it was pretty hot, but not scalding, fortunately – and handing him back the cup before I stood up, stretching some more. I threw on the armor that a mage could get away with wearing – thankfully we had found a set the last time out that included pants – before moved over to Solas’ bedroll.

I knelt down beside him and reached out, gently touching his shoulder. “Solas?” I started, quietly. I shook his shoulder gently, “Solas, we need to get going.”

“Da’len?” he spoke, half-whisper from sleep as he turned over, looking towards me. “Marrok… I apologize. Yes. Yes, I am awake.”

I smiled a little and took my hand away, standing and offering him my hand to help him. His hand was warm and dry, rough from wielding his staff for so many years.

 _Look into his eyes_ the voice in my head suggested. I must have made a face because Solas raised an eyebrow at me.

“Is something the matter?”

When I looked at his face, I sought out his eyes. The color of a rainy sky with the sun hiding just behind the clouds. They looked familiar, but that was probably from having spent so much time with him. I mentally shrugged it off and finally let go of his hand, smiling at him. “No, not at all. Sorry, I just kind of started day-dreaming. Did you sleep well?”

And the look he gave me _definitely_ reminded me of someone, the smile on his face every bit as wolfish as Solace’s had been. It disappeared as quickly as it had come before he nodded, turning away from me to busy himself with dressing.  “It was a pleasant night, despite the uncomfortable ground. And you?”

“It was…revealing,” I giggled a little and he looked at me strangely before I waved him off. “It was good. Pleasant dreams. Do you want some help with that?” I asked, gesturing towards his bedroll. He was trying to get it wrapped tightly but he seemed to be having a hard time of it, for whatever reason. I had seen him do it before and he had never had this much trouble.

I knelt down beside him, rolling it tightly. I had never really done it before the first trip out, but Cassandra had taught me a trick after watching me flounder for about ten minutes. “There,” I said, having tied the string around it to keep it in place. “Do you want some coffee?”

He shook his head, “No, I just need a moment.”

“Oh…okay,” I smiled sheepishly, excusing myself to go wrap up my own bedroll. As I leaned towards the ground, fingers pressed into the fabric and no one close by, I murmured, “What are you playing at?”

_Nothing, da’len. Merely trying to help._

So, the voice was back. It sure picked the weirdest times to ‘help’.


	10. Confidence and Kisses

Finding Dennet in a side part of Redcliffe (or close anyway, I don’t really know) was easy. Convincing him to help, however, was an entirely different story. It took us two days to clean up the area of bandits and demons, then another two days to help the people we ran into. Our way back to Haven took three times as long as it had taken to get there because we kept on running into people to help – not that I’m complaining, it was nice to help people. It was just utterly _exhausting_.

Every day I spent more time with Solas and every night I spent more time with Solace. The former smiled more and the latter kissed my forehead every night. The more time I spent in the Fade, the more comfortable I was with the idea of just walking around naked. Solace explained to me that clothes were merely a thing to keep oneself protected. In the Fade, at least with him, I didn’t need that sort of protection. I would’ve thought by the time we reached Haven again, nearly two weeks after we had left, that either Solas or Solace – or both – would have grown sick of me, or we would have run out of things to talk about. But we always managed to find something.

Solas still spoke to me about the Fade, but always managed to evade the subject of finding him thrre – but I couldn’t blame him. I avoided answering questions about my past, mostly because I hated lying to him. I wanted to tell him; every time I talked to him, it crossed my mind. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

The voice in my head, by this time, had started teaching me the Elvish language. One of the first words it taught me was "falon" - meaning friend. It seemed appropriate, so I deemed my brain-mate 'Falon', even if I wasn't one hundred percent sure what it was. I still hadn't told anyone, not even Solace, about it. Falon didn't judge my relationships, be it with Solace, Solas, or Cullen. Cullen and I didn't really get along, although he did seem to be warming up to me as time went on. Josephine was incredibly kind and patient with me, and Leliana was...well, Leliana. Cassandra was kind, in her way, and seemed not to mind my idiosyncrasies too much. Falon mostly suggested that I learn this or that, pushed me in one direction or another, and taught me about elves, their language, and their history. Leliana seemed content with what I was doing, because she never told me I was doing something wrong. That was a plus, right?

Two days after we returned, we left again. We spent most of our time on the road, crossing all over Ferelden to solve the peoples’ problems and fix what had been broken, all the while building up the resources and reserves at Haven.

It’s impossible to tell you everything we did over the first three or so months I spent in Thedas because I can barely remember. This part I remember, though.

We had to go to Val Royeaux, according to...well, everyone. The Chantry wanted to talk to me. Or I wanted to talk to them. Or something.

Days. Days and days and days traveling. It felt like weeks, but Solas told me it was only a few days.

The night before we were going to reach Val Royeaux and I would have to try and convince a church I didn’t know shit about that I was their Herald or at least convince them out of thinking I wasn’t was to be a long one. Cassandra wanted me well-rested. I was, to put it mildly, thankful.

Despite my eagerness to go to sleep, I stayed up for a little while with Solas – mostly because I wasn’t tired yet.

“How do you feel, Marrok?” he asked from his position, standing next to the low fire. He offered me a cup of whatever he had in his hands and settled beside me on my bedroll after I took the offered beverage.

I sat with my knees bent, my legs folded out. I rested my forearms on my thighs, holding the cup between both hands over my lap. I stared into the tiny, dancing flames and let out a heavy sigh. “Terrified, if I’m honest.”

“I would be worried if you were not,” he murmured from my side. He lifted his mug into my field of vision, “To you. None of this would be possible without you.”

I lifted my cup but shook my head, “To you,” and I nodded my head in the direction of Cassandra and Varric, “and to them. And to everyone back in Haven. I’m just the tool, you all are the body of this operation. Any of you could do what I do.”

He shook his head, lowering his cup a little. “You spend most of your time thinking about everyone else. Just take this one. For me?”

I smiled at him and nudged his cup with mine, “All right, Solas. Just this one.”

We sat in amicable silence, sipping the warm tea he had made with our shoulders and legs pressed against each other. Without asking, I leaned my head against his shoulder. He stiffened but didn’t push me away.

“What if I can’t do it, Solas?” I asked, sighing heavily as I turned my head to look at the side of his face.

“Then we will find an alternative,” he responded, eyes forward as mine had been before. I tilted my head back down, eyes on the fire. “But, da’len, I believe you can.”

“Thanks, Solas.”

“For what?”

“For everything.”  I held the cup in one hand, shifting my left – the one with the Mark – to wrap my fingers around his hand. He stiffened again but still did not pull away. I squeezed his hand gently. “I couldn’t do this without you.”

“Fortunate, then, that you do not have to,” he responded, his voice laced with humor. Despite not wanting to, I removed my hand from his and sat up again, lifting my right hand to rub my neck a little. I yawned before tossing back the rest of the tea.

“Indeed it is. But now, dear Solas, I believe it is bedtime for this heretic,” I handed back the cup, making to stand up. I hesitated, glancing at his bedroll. Slowly, over the last few months, as we spent more time on the road together, his bedroll grew closer. At first I hadn’t noticed, not until Varric made some sly comment about it. The more I thought about it and paid attention, I realized that every time we set up camp, it was just a little bit closer. The weather was still good enough that tents weren’t required – outside of Haven, it wasn’t due to snow for some time. It was more mid-to-late summer.  “Wait…Solas, I have an idea. Just bear with me, okay?”

He had already stood up and turned around to look at me, an eyebrow cocked curiously. I moved over to his bedroll and lifted the two ends, shuffling carefully over to beside my own make-shift bed. I laid the blankets down beside mine, lined up and touching just slightly along the one edge. When I had rearranged everything to my satisfaction, I looked up with my hands on my hips.

“What do you think?”

He looked silly with the cups in his hands, his eyes a little wide when he looked up from what I had done. He set the cups down in the dirt beside his pillow and stood directly in front of me, mere inches away. I wanted him to touch me; to take my hand, to touch my cheek, to brush hair from my face. _Anything_.

I swear to God or the Maker or whomever, his eyes dipped to my lips. I nearly lost it. Instead, I waited with baited breath - literally - until his lips curved up into the smallest of smiles. 

He didn't speak as he leaned forward, pressing his lips to my forehead before he skirted around me and settled into his bedroll after removing his shoes. 

It wasn't much, but it was something. 

\----

I fell asleep with a smile on my face and woke up with one in the Fade. I know only because Solace, naked like normal, sat in the pool and said, "What is that look for?"

I sighed happily as I stood from the bed and stretched, making my way to join him in the water. We spent a lot of time travelling around the Fade but still began our evenings in this place, our place. To that night, he had never touched me in a way that made me uncomfortable - not after I got over the whole stark-naked-thing. I settled into the water, still grinning like an idea.

"He finally  _did_ something," I responded, flipping onto my back in the water and floating around. "He kissed me goodnight. Well, on the forehead. But that's  _something_."

"If you wanted a kiss, all you had to do was ask," he chuckled, his hands under my back without me realizing he had moved. He held me in the water and I didn't fidget, just let myself be weightless for a few moments, without a care in the world.

"For some reason, I don't think he would feel the same way."

"Have you ever tried?"

"He's not really the 'asking' type, I don't think. Besides," I turned my head to look at him, hair dripping water over his shoulders and down his cheeks, "isn't it kind of lying? I mean, if I was able to convince him to kiss me - he doesn't know the truth about me. Doesn't that mean I'm lying?"

"Would what you feel be different?"

"You mean what I feel about him? No. But what he feels about me might."

"Trust me," he spoke resolutely, his hands moving to my hips as he tugged me down to face him in the water, "it won't matter half as much as you think it will."

"Why can't you be Solas?" I groaned a little, drooping in the water. His hands held me fast from going too far down, still on my hips. 

"Because you picked Solace instead."

I stuck my tongue out at him, rolling my eyes a little. "You know what I mean. I can talk to you."

"You can talk to him, too. You're just more afraid to talk to him. You should bring him here."

"Wouldn't that be...weird?" I asked, eyebrows furrowed as I looked up at him.

"Why?"

"It's...kind of  _our_ place, isn't it? Besides, he's dodged the subject of meeting me in the Fade since the first time I brought it up, months ago."

"Perhaps it isn't time, yet," he frowned a little, hands sliding higher to my waist. "Yes, I think you should wait. To bring him here, I mean. There will come a time that will make sense, but it is not yet."

For the second time that night, I was waiting for a man to kiss me. And for the second time that night, I was left waiting.

He held me in much the same way as we stood there, talking - he asked me about other things and eventually I broke down and told him about how terrified I was about the next day.

"Solas told me I can do it, but I'm so afraid of screwing up. If I can't do this, I don't know _what_ will happen. Josephine and Leliana both believe that this is a huge thing, and Mother Giselle thinks so too. I'm not sure what we'll do if I screw up."

"Stop," he demanded, one hand moving from my waist under the water to my cheek. He stroked my cheekbone, his hand cupping the side of my face. "Stop thinking so negatively. I believe in you, emm'asha. And I know Solas does too. You just need to believe in _yourself."_

So we spent the night talking about what I could do, rather than what I wouldn't, and created a plan of attack. When I went to sleep in the Fade, it was in Solace's arms. When I woke up in the real world, I was in Solas'.

I couldn't keep the smile off of my face when I realized his arm was draped over me and my back was pressed against his - oh.

 _Oh_.

I felt the blush in my cheeks and the ludicrous smile on my lips. I laid there for a moment, closing my eyes and just enjoying it. I knew it wouldn't last long.

A puff of air blew my hair out across my cheek and, almost immediately after, Solas' arm stiffened.

"Marrok?" he whispered.

I did my best to keep my breathing even, as if I was asleep - I had gotten good at it after years of pretending I was asleep so my mom would carry me inside as a child.

"Ma seranas," he murmured, his arm tightening around me as he pressed his face, his lips against the back of my head, "ma vhenan..."

I never wanted to 'wake up', if that was what he was going to do when I was asleep. He continued to speak to me in Elvhen - Elven? Elvish? Whatever. the language of the elves. - all manner of things that sounded beautiful and lovely and I couldn't stop myself from snuggling back against him. He stilled immediately, calling my name again quietly. No one else was awake - the sun was barely peaking over the horizon. I could have fallen asleep again, if I wasn't so desperate for his affection.

"Marrok?" he murmured again, his hand spread over my stomach as I felt him against my back. It was like we were meant to be like this, the way he fit around me. His other arm was in the curve of my neck, my head on a pillow. I had no idea where his pillow was, although I assumed his head was on it. His head was behind mine, which had his shoulders almost in line with mine and his chest pressed to my back. My body was curved against his, almost as if I was sitting on his lap and we had been laid down on our sides. I was smaller than him, enough so that the difference in our heights lefts some space between his lap and my bottom. However, the flimsiness of our under tunics and breeches left little to the imagination. I shifted 'in my sleep' and readjusted, my head nearly below his chin and my body pressed completely against his.

He let out a hiss of breath, his thumb sliding up away from the rest of his hands. It didn't go anywhere, not really, but the _idea_ that it might caused my breath to hitch.

"Marrok?" he breathed, sounding almost fearful.

"Mmm," I responded, feigning waking up. His body was like a rock against me when he heard me respond. His hand started to move from my torso but I caught it with my own, holding him there. "Don't leave me, emma lath."

He hissed out a breath and held me tightly against him before he pressed another kiss to the back of my head (which, fortunately, we had washed in a river the day previous in an attempt to not be scuzzy when we reached Val Royeaux) and left his arm where it was.

I fell asleep again, at least for a little while. When I woke up again, Solas was gone from my side. After a moment, I saw him coming towards me with the same cup from the night before.

And it was okay that we didn't talk about it, that we didn't touch any more than normal or kiss. It was okay that he didn't try to hold my hand or call me anything more than 'lethallan'. I knew it was there and, even if he thought it was a sleep-addled version, he knew it too.

I went into Val Royeaux with complete confidence in myself, for the first time since I had arrived in Thedas.

And, apparently, didn't need it. 


	11. Dances With Wolves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just fluff and glossing over story - I don't make the decisions, I just put the words on paper. I won't probably be posting much or at all for the rest of the week. Sorry!

Cassandra was irate by the time we reached the platform upon which the chantry mothers were espousing their truth. She was livid – and confused – when Knight-Seeker Lambert punched out a Reverend Mother. And she was absolutely losing her shit (insomuch as she was capable of) when he spoke to us after the fact.

We spent some time in Val Royeaux after our mission was deemed eventually null and void. We ran into Fiona – apparently a lady from the Circle, the mage place. She wanted our help with whatever her problem was – she was vague but clearly in need of assistance.

We had a few other things to do, including but not limited to being accosted by an upstart Orlesian noble and saved by a foul-mouthed…Sera as well as travelling to meet and recruit Vivienne, every bit a lady. When all was said and done, we set back towards Haven. It was sort of on the way to Redcliffe, where the mages in Fiona’s care awaited us.

“Are you certain about the mages?” Cassandra asked as we rode side-by-side.

I shrugged a little, “Fiona clearly needs our help. I am certain I intend to try and offer her that. Besides, I trust that theory over Cullen’s.”

“And you do not feel the need to discuss your decision with your advisors?”

I shook my head, “There’s no point. You’ll never all agree and just end up asking me to decide anyway. So I’m cutting out the middle man. But, just so you know, I’m only doing it because I already know everyone’s opinions. It’s not like I think your opinions don’t matter.”

Cassandra gave me an odd look before she shrugged a little. “I suppose you are right. Although I am worried about the Templars. They are generally good men and women.”

“I don’t doubt that. I just wish everybody wasn’t so stubborn. I don’t see why we can’t ask everybody for help. Well, I _know_ why but it’s just…dumb.”

“Dumb? As in cannot speak?”

“No,” I snorted, “Like…stupid. Idiotic. Moronic. Et cetera.”

“Et cetera? Is that Elven?”

I groaned inwardly before I shook my head. “No, it’s just a phrase that means, like…and stuff. And things. And more of the same.”

“Eh-t-set-err-uh,” she repeated with a contemplative look on her face.

“Yup,” I grinned, rolling my head on my shoulders. I was sick of riding horses but _immensely_ glad we didn’t have to walk. It would’ve taken forever and if my butt was sore, my feet would’ve been bleeding.

“Herald, I…I know it’s none of my business, but...you and Solas?” She asked like a teenager might; like we were gossiping by the lockers.

I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face, turning my head around to gauge his distance. He was some ways back, apparently trying to convince Sera of something as she looked quite perturbed. “I don’t know, Seeker. Honestly. I mean, I like him. Is it that obvious?”

“You spend nearly every waking minute in his presence, Herald.”

“Oh, Seeker, would you just call me Marrok? It’s been _months_.”

She smiled back and ducked her head. “As you wish, He-…Marrok. Please feel free to call me Cassandra, if you wish.”

“Look at us, being friends,” I laughed, slapping my leg a little. My horse snorted in disapproval at the noise but didn’t jerk. “But, back to your question – I don’t really think he thinks about me much like that.”

“I heard about your visits to the bathhouse.”

“What, does _everyone_ have spies but me?” I made a face and Cassandra made a sound that I think may have been laughter.

“Technically our spies are at your disposal, if you so wish. However – how in the world did that happen?”

“Honestly? It was by accident. I went to him to ask him where it was and he was already going. I didn’t want him to not be able to go because I was going, so I just sort of…said let’s do it. And we did.” I blushed, both at the story and at the double entendre at the end. I didn’t point it out to her and she missed it; Varric wouldn’t have. I was glad it was Cassandra. “And after that, it just seemed kind of silly to do it alone. If he’s seen it once, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Are you not…concerned about how he sees you?”

“Being naked isn’t a problem for me. I could walk around Haven in the nude if it wasn’t so cold and wouldn’t terrify the locals.”

Cassandra laughed this time, and I knew it was for sure laughter. I grinned at her. She smiled back.

When we made it back to Haven, Leliana had another trip for us. She wanted me to find Blackwall, a Warden last heard to be seen near the Hinterlands. That was a little passed Redcliffe, but it was a favor to Leliana. I decided we would go down to find him before doubling back to Redcliffe on our way back again. We would be going out of our way either way and we had no way of knowing how long he would be in the area. Best to leave immediately.

Even if I never wanted to see the back of a horse’s head again.

The trip was mostly uneventful. I still asked Cassandra, Solas, and Varric to accompany me. I thought I’d give Sera and Vivienne some time to adjust to their new surroundings while we continued our travels. Besides, I liked them. I didn’t know about the other two yet.

I liked Blackwall immediately. He was gruff and rough but he was a soldier and he was kind. He offered his help and I agreed, without hesitation. Leliana would be excited to speak to him, even if he had been alone for a long time.

Blackwall and Varric seemed to get along; Solas too, although mostly because Blackwall could listen to him speak on the Fade for ages. Cassandra seemed to approve in the way that Cassandra approves of anything, although she didn’t spend overmuch time with him.

The first night after we met Blackwall, we listened to Varric’s stories as we always did before bed. I had not moved Solas’ bed closer to mine since the first time, although it was never far. Cassandra and Blackwall had managed to bring over some discarded tree trunks around our little fire. I settled on one beside Blackwall, my armor long-since discarded.

Solas was making tea on the other side of fire as Blackwall spoke.

“So you are the Herald of Andraste, then?”

“That’s what they’re calling me. I am not sure what it means. I mean, I can close the rifts, that much is true – but I have no great insight into what this Andraste person thinks or feels, how She wants this place run. I don’t really know what any of this means. I just want to help people.”

“Then you are the perfect man for the job. Or woman, as the case may be.”

I smiled at him and then up at Solas as he offered me a cup. He tipped his cup in the direction of Blackwall who did not take it. Solas then settled in on the dead tree beside the one that Blackwall and I took up.

“I’m sorry we didn’t think to bring an extra horse,” I offered to him, glancing to where our mounts lay sleeping. “I know it can’t be comfortable riding behind me.”

I was the slightest person; I offered to let him ride behind me because, in my head, it made the most sense. He seemed stiff most of the ride but I was perfectly relaxed. He held me gently around the waist, front pressed to my back. It was not unpleasant.

“Better than walking,” he responded in his low voice, gravelly and every bit of manly-man that harlequin novels talked about. Not that I read those. Of course not.

“Good,” I smiled again and the conversation lulled. I yawned widely, shaking my head to shake the sleep from my eyes. “I am exhausted. Would you gentlemen hold it against me if I left you?”

“Not at all,” Solas responded first, reaching out for my empty cup. I smiled in thanks before standing from the log.

“Good night, then. See you in the morning,” and I left them in silence as I moved to my bedroll and removed my shoes.

When I awoke in the Fade, I stayed on the makeshift bed that Solace had made for us all that time ago. Months and months. I shifted my hands beneath my head, staring up to the roof of the cave. It looked like the night sky, twinkles of light across the black. I couldn’t actually see the roof, so far up was it.

“Something the matter?” came Solace’s familiar voice from beside me. I shifted my eyes to look at him; he was dressed in clothes not unlike mine.

“No, just thinking. Are we going on an adventure?”

He nodded, grinning with childish glee as he took my by the hand and hauled me to stand against him. He pulled me into a hug before he lifted me around the waist and spun me around. I laughed at him as he settled me down, having been grinning the whole time.

“What has gotten you in such a good mood?”

“Nothing, emm’asha. Just glad to see you. So what were you thinking about?” He slid his fingers through mine briefly before we reached the low part in the cave that required us to walk one in front of the other.

“Nothing. Everything. We met someone new today, his name is Blackwall. He’s a nice man, or at least he seems it. I was just thinking about…well, everything, like I said. Being here – in Thedas, I mean. How different my life is.”

“What would you be doing right now if you were home?” he asked as we made it into the main part of the tunnel, after the fork.

“Well, it would depend on what night of the week it was. If it was a school night, I’d probably be studying or sleeping. If it was the weekend,” I whistled lowly, shrugging with him behind me to see it. “I’d be out with friends. I used to go out dancing. There, you aren’t supposed to drink until you’re twenty-one years old. It’s illegal. So we would just go out to the clubs – like taverns, but with loud, fast music – and we’d dance until we could barely move.”

“So you have never drank before coming here?”

“I just said it’s illegal, not that people don’t do it,” I laughed a little and he chuckled. “But I didn’t do it much. What I was studying for in school is really intense, I couldn’t risk killing brain cells.”

“What?”

“Your mind – your brain. People say that drinking alcohol will kill off parts of your brain. Tiny little parts, so small you can’t see them without a microscope.”

“A what?”

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see it. “Like…like a spyglass, but for seeing things that are really really small up close.”

“I think I understand.”

When we came out of the thicket into the forest in the Fade, Solace took my hand and swung me around to have my front facing his. He lifted our hands into the air, below his shoulder but above mine as his other arm curved around my lower back.

“Care to dance?” he spoke lowly, a dark eyebrow lifted in question as a smile tugged at his lips.

“With you? Always.” And we danced for what could have been minutes or hours, spinning slowly in a forest in my dreams. Our adventure would have to wait for another day because I was perfectly content in his arms. It made me want to ask Solas to dance.

So I did.

After everything was said and done, that is. After we went to Redcliffe, met the Tevinter son of a bitch and Dorian, after Dorian and I went through time and I nearly died more than once, after we spoke to the ruler of Ferelden, after we could _breathe_ \- we returned to Haven harried and I felt a million times older. I couldn’t shake the images of my friends dying; even Solace noticed in my dreams. I just kept on seeing Leliana’s gaunt face, Solas’ lifeless body. It made my chest constrict around my heart and not in a good way.

I couldn’t look at any of them. Dorian tried to keep my spirits up; I liked him instantly. He was The Gay Best Friend of a girl’s dreams – it may not have been obvious to everyone else, but I went to school in the 21st century. You may say I’m stereotyping and maybe I was, but I knew it before he told me and I’m sticking to that story.

But, after a week of recovery in Haven before we were to leave again to do more dangerous and wonderful things for people, things still hadn’t settled. The mages were pouring in and we were having trouble finding places for them. I couldn’t breathe between the memories and the requirements of me. I spent as much time sleeping as I could, mostly to get away from everyone and partially because I found solace in Solace.

The last night before we left again, probably two weeks since we had come back, Varric dragged me to the tavern. “You need a drink, Herald.”

“Marrok.”

“What?”

“Call me Marrok and I’ll go with you.”

Varric stared at me for a minute before he broke into a grin and put a hand on my arm. “Come along, then, Marrok. Let’s get you an ale.”

There was a lute player (I had to ask Varric, to which he chuckled), strumming a merry tune. We settled into a table across from each other, massive mugs in front of either of us.

We were halfway through a tale about the Champion of Kirkwall, something about facing a blood mage and a gaggle of demons with just a cheeseknife, when Solas entered the tavern. He looked mildly displaced before his eyes alighted on us and he moved in our direction.

“There you are. Dorian mentioned something about you getting a drink.”

“Here I am,” I grinned, the ale definitely in my head. “Have a seat?”

He moved to sit but I stood quickly, almost knocking the chair back, “Wait…wait…” I put my hands out as if to stop him. He stood, hand on the back of the chair he intended to sit in, with an eyebrow raised at me as I tripped over myself on my way to the lute player.

I leaned in close, “Play something slooooowww.”

The lute player, a brunette woman with a 10000-watt smile and deep brown eyes, nodded at me and carried her tune out before she started strumming again. I wandered back to Solas; I was tipsy, to say the least. I held out my hand to him and he stood, watching me for a long moment.

“Care to dance?” I asked, hopeful.

It took him a moment but he took my hand as he stepped around the chair. He pulled me closer but not flush, our bodies in a similar position to Solace’s and mine that night in the Fade. As the song continued on, we inched closer to each other. By the time the song ended – Dorian had joined Varric and they were chatting away, although I hardly noticed – we were as close as we had ever been.

Solas’ cheek slid against my temple and his warm breath brushed my ear, “With you, always.”

There was a fluttering in my stomach, a constriction – the good kind – in my heart, and a niggling in my mind. But, as Solas let me go and we settled into the table, I couldn’t be bothered to care about any of it. I could still feel the tickle against my ear and I was smiling like an idiot for the rest of the night.


	12. Son of a Breach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short but I wanted to update tonight for you guys. Hopefully I'll actually be able to put one up tomorrow. I will be going through the ensuing scene from the game rather in-depth. Spoilers are everywhere from here on out. 
> 
> Also - yay for so many kudos and readers! You guys make my heart happy.

It was another month before we went to close the Breach. The mages needed time to gather their bearings and settle in to ensure that they were up for it. In the meantime, Solas and I trained when we weren’t running errands (essentially) for the Inquisition. Finally, the day came.

I was terrified. If Solas had believed that closing the First Rift was going to kill me, I could only imagine what this would do. It was massive, tall as a skyscraper. The mages were settled behind me, all along the walls. Solas and Cassandra stood with me for a moment and I looked from the Breach to my hand. It was glowing, more than normal. I could feel the pain up to my elbow, clawing inside of my arm. I gritted my teeth against it and steeled myself for a whole lot more. I looked over to Cassandra and then to Solas, nodding once before I set my shoulders and put my hand in the air.

Solas and Cassandra moved away, the latter calling “Mages!” before Solas told them exactly what to do. I pressed forward, closer to the Breach. With every step, I felt myself closer to death. I was fighting against the magic to walk and it leaked through me, tearing at the very atoms of me. The pain that I felt closing the First Rift was _nothing_ compared to the hell I went through in those moments. I brought myself as close as I could; I could feel the power of the mages swooping up my back, forward and up into the Breach. It didn’t matter, though. Nothing mattered but the immeasurable pain.

 _Stay awake, da’len_ , Falon pressured in my mind. I could hear it through the din of pain, light exploding in my eyes from the aches. I collapsed to my knees, holding my hand up with every ounce of strength I could manage. Even as I let my hand fall, I faced it towards the Breach.

And then the snap back, when the Breach closed, nearly tore me apart from the inside out. I screamed at the pain, pulling my hand to my chest as though it had been burned. It felt like a white-hot poker had been run through it. The shockwave hit the air and threw me back, sprawled out. I hit my head on a rock and hardly noticed.

I don’t know if I blacked out or not, but the next thing I knew Cassandra and Solas were at my sides again, both bent at the knees. I gasped, blinking and groaning as I sat up.

“Marrok…you did it.”

But it didn’t matter, because Solas’ lips were on my forehead and his hand, shaking like a leaf, was helping me to stand.

\---

Something like eight months, maybe nine, after I had arrived in Thedas I found myself outside of Haven in that same place I had gone to practice all that time ago.

“So, who are you?” I asked the air in front of me as I waited for Solas – he was coming to meet me for training. He was going to teach me a barrier spell.

 _Your friend_ , Falon replied.

“But…what are you? Why are you in my head?”

_This world needed you and you needed a guide._

“Did you bring me here?” I asked, suddenly terrified and furious.

_No, but I was aware of your coming._

“But _who are you_?”

“Marrok?” Solas’ voice disrupted the conversation and jumped a little. “Who were you talking to?”

“Myself,” I responded quickly, feeling blush burning a path across my face to the very tips of my ears. “Sorry. I get a little loopy when I’m alone.”

“Only when you are alone?” he smiled a little, teasing me.

“Why, Solas, did you just make a joke?”

“It happens occasionally,” he continued to smile as he pulled his staff into his hand.

“Like dancing?”

And the look he gave me would have melted…stone, or something equally unmeltable, in a good way. “Yes, Marrok. Like dancing.”

In moments like those, he reminded me of Solace to a point that had me itching to ask one or the both of them what the hell was going on. But every time I asked Solace about who he was, I received the same answer. It seemed nobody but Iron bull was honest – and even then, I wasn’t so sure.

We exhausted me with attempts. Barriers are hard, especially to get them completely right. Mine was only fire, something Solas was mightily surprised about but didn’t much comment on. He seemed mostly curious as to why I seemed mostly incapable of other magic.

I finally managed a flimsy barrier but it didn’t last long as I was utterly exhausted at that point.

He half-carried me back to his house, setting me down on the bed. He moved across the open space and set about making tea. Like I said, it had been somewhere between eight and nine months since I had fallen into Thedas and had become Someone. I was beginning to talk like them, my Midwestern accent slowly fading away. I still held onto some of my vernacular but even some of that was slipping away. I was comfortable now; my heart ached when I thought of my mom but I didn’t have much time to do that, between sealing rifts and saving people. The mages were flourishing with us, even if some of Cullen’s recruited Templars still needed to get used to the idea of working alongside them.

All in all, things were going well.

Solas and I shared smiles sometimes, and most of our free time. I made an effort to bug the others as well – it only made sense to make friend with my, well, party. My advisors and coworkers? Whatever. I enjoyed their company for the most part, although Cullen made me feel…dirty, and not the fun kind. Vivenne made me feel like a child and so did Bull, but for two vastly different reasons. Dorian and I spent nearly as much time together as Solas and I did – mostly, I think, because I didn’t hate him for being a ‘Vint, as Bull and his Chargers called them. No one was outright mean to him, probably because I told them where they could shove it when they started to.

Besides, he was a whole lot of fun.

Solas gave me a cup of tea as I settled on his bed, boots removed, with my body against his headboard. I moved over to make room for him. He looked at me and the space beside me for a long while before he removed his boots and settled in too.

I yawned promptly after finishing the tea and handed over the cup. Without thinking I rested my head against his shoulder.

“Ma seranas, Solas,” I murmured, closing my eyes. He shifted, laying his arm across my shoulder. We slid down enough to be comfortable, my head still against him.

I was surprised that he did not push me away but pleasantly so. When I awoke in the Fade, Solace was nowhere to be found.

“Are you there, Falon?”

Silence and then, _Yes. I am always here if you want it to be so._

“You just don’t talk much when I’m here.”

_I like to give you your privacy._

“I appreciate that. I have a question, though.”

_Yes?_

“Do you know who Solace really is?”

Silence again. Then, slowly, _Perhaps_.

“Perhaps as in yes but you won’t tell me or like you think you might know but not for sure?” I stood from the bed to remove my clothes, undressed by the time Falon responded.

_I recognize his form but it is not my secret to tell, da’len._

“You people and your secrets,” I groaned, entering the pool and shaking my head.

“Who are you talking to, emm’asha?” Solace’s voice made me jump in the water as I heard it behind me.

“Where were you?”

“Awake,” he replied, disrobing slowly. “Who were you talking to?”

“Myself,” I responded, lying only mostly. “It’s the middle of the day. Why are you asleep?”

“Where you are it is. And why are _you_ asleep?”

“Deflection,” I rolled my eyes a little as he waded into the water, coming to stand quite close to me. “I was training with Solas. Learning how to make a barrier.”

“Oh, show me,” he asked, pulling back a little.

“In the water?”

“Why not?”

“It’s fire. It’s always fire.”

He had a contemplative look on his face before he wave his hand, gesturing for me to begin. “Good practice.”

“Fine then,” I moved back a little, lifting my hands in front of me. I didn’t often cast without a staff even though I could. I was told that it sort of focused the power. I liked to cast by myself when I practiced, figuring if it was harder that my spells would be stronger.

I wasn’t tired in the Fade and I didn’t feel drained. The barrier was difficult to pull off in the water but, eventually, I pushed it out from my body and the water was trapped outside of it. I was warm but not uncomfortably so.

I let it fall after a few seconds, grinning like a fool. Solace grabbed me around the waist and hoisted me, holding me tightly against him.

“You did it! Wonderful,” he pressed a kiss to my lips before I realized what was happening.

It was magnificent, if short-lived. It wasn’t much of anything, really, but it was the first time someone had _really_ kissed me since before I had come to Thedas. He slowly set me down, a curious look on his face.

“I’m sorry, I forgot myself.”

“You…you don’t have to apologize,” I felt the blush in my ears again, although these were much shorter. “It…you know, happens sometimes.”

“It could happen more often,” was his response, one hand on my waist and the other, wet and cool against my cheek. He leaned in closer but his face contorted before it was gone. I was alone in the pool but only briefly because I felt myself slipping away.

And then I was back in Solas’ house, a heavy hand on my shoulder. Solas was off the bed, pacing although looking like he too had been rudely awakened. Cassandra called my name until I responded.

I could hear a bell tolling in the background and jerked up at the words “ _We are under attack!_ ”


	13. Trebuchets, Templars, and Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my readers, reviewers, and kudos-ers. I love to know you guys are appreciating this! I won't be posting much over the next few days most likely, but should be updating Sunday night. Hopefully my muse will come back for my other stories soon too.
> 
> See the end for an additional note. But wait until you read the chapter!

I flung myself from the bed and took the armor that Cassandra offered me. Cullen was waiting outside with my staff and news.

“One watchguard reporting…there is an army headed this way, the bulk of it still over the mountain.”

“Get the civilians to the chantry immediately,” I commanded, not knowing where the idea came from. He nodded, Cassandra leaving my side to do so.

Cullen led us to the main hub of the town, where the gates were only feet away.

While Josephine and Cullen discussed who had sent them – no one, apparently – a flash of light and a bang sounded against the massive wooden doors.

“I can’t come in unless you open!” came a voice, male and high like a teenager’s. I glanced back over my shoulder and took a few steps forward; the guard opened the gate and outside lay a wasteland of bodies, one massively armored figure taking a step towards me.

And then it fell to the ground in a clanging heap, a slight figure behind it with a knife dripping bloody. He was pale as a ghost with a hat wider than a tire. “I’m Cole,” he said, pointing the dagger at me but in a very nonthreatening way. “I came to warn you. To help. People are coming to hurt you…but you probably already know that.”

“What…what is going on?” I asked, turning my head from side to side to take in the people on the ground. Had he killed them all? _Surely_ not.

“The templars come to kill you,” he responded.

Cullen jumped, furious that the templars would come come after us. I quieted him with a hand on his shoulder. “The _why_ is not necessarily important.”

“The red templars went to the Elder One. Do you know him? He knows you. You took his mages.”

“I didn’t _take_ anything,” I groaned, shaking my head.

“He is there,” Cole pointed to the top of an outcropping several hundred feet away, perhaps more. I _prayed_ more. “He is very angry with you for taking his mages.”

“Shit,” I turned to Cullen, “You are the Commander. Give me a plan. _Anything_.”

“Haven is no fortress. If we are to withstand this attack, we must control the battle.”

“Then…” I paused, surveying what little we did have at our disposal. Trebuchets. “The trebuchets,” I didn’t want to point; I thought it might give it away to anyone watching. “We’ll aim them at the side of the mountain, cause an avalanche.” I’d seen it in movies a thousand times. We could do this.

 _Could_ we do this?

Cullen gave a rousing, if brief, speech, and I took Bull, Blackwall, and Sera with me to one trebuchet. I did not send anyone else anywhere; they followed Cullen’s orders. I didn’t want to bring too many people – the faster they were, the better. I saw the look on Solas’ face when I left him behind, but I needed arrows, not more magic.

The monsters that came after us dressed as men were massive and distorted, some of them with pieces of that red ruby stuff sticking out of them – like in the future that wasn’t and Fiona in her cell. It was our job to protect the people that meant to fire the trebuchets. It felt like an endless stream of assailants but we managed, miraculously, to keep them at bay.

One of the soldiers informed us that the other trebuchet wasn’t firing – I ran faster than I had ever run in my life, hearing the _boom_ of the first’s missile as it smashed into the mountainside. When I arrived there was already a group of templars. A few of our soldiers were already dead. I unleashed a wave of fire, focusing all of my energy on the men in hopes of avoiding the wooden war machine.

I was, blessedly, successful and turned tail to run away until someone else could back me up. One swipe of that axe and I would’ve been toast, no questions. Fortunately the fire left them burning so when Bull came up to slash at him with _his_ axe, it was them that were toasty. Or something.

I took a sword to the arm and somehow it didn’t take it clean off. The light chainmail of the mage getup I was wearing took the brunt of the hit, but I knew I had been slashed fairly well and was bleeding. I could see the blood on my hand in the green glow of my mark.

I immediately jumped on the trebuchet, not having a damn clue what to do with it. I had seen one in a video game or something, but never up close.

“Uhh…does anyone know how to fire this thing?”

“It’s this thingy right here, see?” Sera said, gesturing wildly at something with her bow. “It attaches to that thing and you turn that thingy and whoosssh, blam!”

I blinked at her a few times, staring over part of the machine to see what she was talking about. A chain had slipped. I jumped over the side into the works and nearly broke my fingers trying to realign the son of a bitch.

It worked. I scrambled out of the way, “Bull, Blackwall – would you gentlemen be so kind as to crank the ever loving hell out of that for me?”

There was no way I could move that, not if it had as much torque as I imagined it did.

Sera and I surveyed the area and watched for oncoming templars while the men did the heavy lifting. Finally we were able to release another shot into the mountainside, this time causing even more of a massive downpour of rocks and snow. We could see the clouds of it rolling over and swallowing up the men (and women, probably) that came for us.

And then, as we stood a bit away watching our work take its toll, a massive screeching sound drew our attention to the sky.

“MOVE!” Bull yelled, grabbing me around the waist and throwing both of us to the ground. Behind us, the sound of something very large hitting something else very large cracked just before the splintering of the trebuchet. I ducked my head and covered it just in time as a large piece of wood nearly lodge itself in my skull but the armor on my arm bounced it back.

When we rolled over and made to stand, a large…well, fuck, it was a _dragon_ for Chrissake’s, flew over us. Low.

“I give up,” I groaned, standing with Bull’s help.

“What, really? It’s just a dragon.”

“No, not _really_. But for crying out loud, can we catch a break?” I shook my head, checking to see if everyone was alive and grabbing a scout to have Blackwall tug her along. “We should get to the gates.” And we pressed forward, passed the smithy. A voice called out, “Herald! Is that you? Help me with this door!”

He needed help, there was a large crate in the way. Bull moved over and lifted it easily. Instead of having Blackwall help the scout, Bull lifted her over his shoulder and carried her along – grumbling a little – to the gate. Once inside, he set her down. She could walk all right, but she had a gash in one leg and it wouldn’t do to leave her behind.

“Everyone to the chantry, it is the only building that might hold against…that beast,” Cullen ordered, grabbing my arm to tug me along as I stood, staring up into the sky at what could only be described as a double wide train with wings. Or something. I don’t know. It was scary and huge and _loud_.

As we made for the chantry, Sera spotted a break in the wall that would allow the templars easy access. And it was. There were already two clamoring over.

“Bull, Blackwall, Sera – come with me,” I called, stopping short to send a fireball into the chest of one of them and propelling him back over the other side of the fence.

“Nice shot, boss,” Bull grinned  - at least I think so, because he was running away from me and towards a nasty looking blade – and I rolled my eyes a little at his back before calling down what was pretty much a lightning bolt of fire. I don’t know the names of anything, just how to make it happen. I was afraid to try the firestorm because I didn’t want to damage anything that might be protecting the innocent people further inside.

We essentially ran around Haven, stopping the bad guys from killing the good guys until I thought I couldn’t stand any more. I wasn’t as good at staying out of the way as I wished I was. I had taken an arrow to the opposite shoulder and Blackwall and held my shoulder and the arrow with one hand, breaking it off with the other. “It’s clean through,” he expressed. “Don’t, whatever you do, bite your tongue.”

And he pulled it through. It took everything in me not to scream bloody murder; but it still didn’t touch the pain of closing the Breach. So that was something. I was surprised I didn’t chip a tooth, clenching my jaw.

We managed to get everyone to the chantry, including people in that had been hiding in their homes. Finally we reached the doors and Blackwall lifted a heavy hand, “It’s us! Open up! The Herald is badly injured!”

I didn’t think I was _badly_ injured. I mean, my arm was barely scratched and the arrow wasn’t in there anymore. And maybe I’d gotten stabbed.

I’d gotten _stabbed_. Shit. Well.

I almost collapsed when we entered the chantry, passing Roderick and vaguely remembering his face as the one that hated me for no reason. Solas was at my side, holding my head up and forcing me to drink a healing potion and then a blue liquid that I didn’t know the name of, swirling about and all fancy-dancey.

After a minute of letting the potions work inside of me, I was able to stand with a little help.

I noticed then that Roderick didn’t look so good. And then Cole informed me that he had been all noble and was now going to die.

“They are still coming,” Cole frowned, fidgeting. I didn’t remember him coming in, but it didn’t matter.

Well _shit_.

Cullen and Cole argued about what was going on – archdemon, not archdemon, whatever the hell that was. I think it had something to do with the Blight, but at that moment I couldn’t be bothered to care – and finally Cole said that the Elder One didn’t care about the town, just me.

“I’ll go!” I threw my hands up, Solas having helped me slide my staff into its holder on my back. “I’ll go if it’ll stop this.”

Cole shook his head, “It doesn’t matter. He just wants you, but he will kill everyone here because he can.”

Cullen then proceeded to explain to me that there was no way to do anything, except maybe another avalanche. But the only way to successfully destroy the enemies, we would have to cover Haven too.

The Commander then said something awfully martyr-y about how we could choose how we die and I was just thinking, _I don’t even know if I will. But I don’t want you to_. ‘You’, of course, being generally people in Haven. And Cullen, because he was still a decent guy if a little stick-in-the-mud-y. But that doesn’t matter right now.

“We have to get these people out of here,” I glanced from Cassandra to Cullen.

“How?” Leliana asked, “There is only one way in or out for that many people.”

Cole and Roderick had a back and forth before Roderick told us of a secretish passageway that would, theoretically, allow everyone to leave. Well, almost everyone.

“But we need…”

“Someone to stay behind,” I finished for him, feeling sick at the idea. I couldn’t ask anyone to do that. It was a suicide mission. “Will this work, Cullen?”  

“If he shows us the path, possibly. But what of your escape? You will be buried with Haven.”

“No,” Solas let slip, face contorted in disapproval.

“I will not ask anyone else to do this. I _will_ see you again,” my voice was sturdier than I thought I could muster at that point.

“Emm’asha,” he hissed, jaw set.

“We need to do this now,” I shook my head. Everyone turned to begin the process except Solas and Culen. The latter stayed long enough to tell me that these other scouts would set the trebuchets before joining him, at which point he wished me good skill. Solas was staring me down, shaking a little from what I thought was fury. I reached out to him and gently touched the dimple in his chin after Cullen had left and the scouts had gone out through the doors, two guards on either side waiting to close them for me.

I moved my hand to the collar of his shirt and pulled him gently towards me. His eyes widened before they dipped to my lips, “Marrok,” he murmured and in response, I pressed my lips to his.

It was just a meeting of the lips, but it was perfect. It felt much the same as kissing Solace insomuch that my heart felt heavy and light all at the same time.

I let go of his shirt and pulled back, sliding my staff from my back. “Get them out safely, Solas.”

“Take these,” he whispered, face still slightly in shock as he handed me three more vials. They were small enough to fit into my deep pockets. “And Marrok?”

“Yes?”

“Find us.”

“Ir abelas, emma lath,” I smiled at him and the look on his face was stormy. He opened his mouth to say something but I ducked my head and made my way into the night. Although I couldn’t swear to it, I thought I heard him say, “Em di’nuvenin lathbora viran.”* before the door closed behind me, cutting me off save for the men that would be leaving me shortly.

I didn't know most of what that meant, if he really said it, but it made me ache for him either way. Especially when I was left utterly alone, when all was said and done, with an entire army waiting for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *"Em di’nuvenin lathbora viran.” is essentially me trying to conjugate a language I don't understand BUT I meant it to mean "I do not want the path of lost love" (literal) which I meant to be like "Don't leave me/don't die".


	14. Snow Angels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, sorry. If there are game lines it wasn't intentional.

I was no longer worried about taking out bits of Haven. I was only worried about dying and living long enough to block the path behind the inhabitants of the town as they fled. I intended to save one healing potion - I had four - and one of the blue (lyrium) potions assuming that I lived through the blast, so that i might have a fighting chance.

i used my first pair within probably fifteen minutes. I knew Cullen would be pushing everything but the red templars kept on trickling in. Fortunately small bursts of flame didn't require much from me and seemed to do okay as far as some kind of damage. I was fortunate too that the red templars were not fast. I think it may be he only reason I survived.

 _You are not alone,_ Falon reminded me in what I think was meant to be a soothing voice. I didn't know what she - i decided it was a she, because I didn't need a dude in my brain - could do for me but to know that I wasn't truly alone was good.

"If I die, please tell Solace...somehow, please tell him thank you. And Solas. Tell him...?"

 _I know_ , _but you will tell them yourself. You_ must _live._

"There are lots of things I _must_ do but it isn't often that I do them."

_You don't have a choice, da'len. **You must**_ **_live_** _._

"I'll see what I can do, then," I smile a little, thankful that I had a reason to. All around, Haven was burning. I was heading to the trebuchets, long-since loaded and left. I needed to defend them until I was signaled. I was able to set the far one off, allowing for another distraction without too much destruction. The other one , closest to the gates, needed to be defended. Three more potions, two healing and a blue. I was on my knees, defeated and wounded, amidst a flaming circle of bodies.

"This is all your doing," came a voice, low and echoey. I shifted, tilting my head up. The man-thing in front of me was  a distorted figure, perhaps human once but no longer. "You meddled in things you did not understand and now you only have yourself to blame for this destruction."

After the shock of his sheer size wore off, I struggled to my feet. "I didn't make these men into whatever they were."

"Better," he responded. "They were better than men."

"I'm sure their families would disagree." Keep him talking, I told myself. Like in a movie, when the bad guy reveals his plan to the good guys so the good guy can have some time to think of a way out. Just _keep him talking_.

"They do not need their families any longer. They have a higher purpose. But you. You are nothing; just a meddlesome elf. I am Corypheus. I am a god."

"You underestimate me, sir."  
  
He didn't take kindly to that. His face turned colder, harder, if possible as he approached me. "You understand not what you are a part of."

As if on cue, the ground shook. Behind me, the dragon that had been flying over head and destroying parts of Haven skidded to a halt. I turned around only to see the massive maw of the thing widen as if to swallow me whole.

And then, I was upside down. The man-thing, the Elder One, grabbed me by the ankle and lifted me in one hand. I was a story off the ground at least as he held me in line with his vision. "I have walked through the Golden City to a throne that is empty. Your Maker is nothing but a tale. I intend to take up the throne. I will be a god."

"And what do I have to do with all of this?"

Fingers on his other hand wrapped around my forearm, the one that ended in the Mark, and switched me to right side up. It felt like my arm was going to be removed from my socket at the rate he was going. "This," he spoke, nodding to the glowing green light. "This anchor was not meant for you. You interrupted the ritual and have stolen my way into heaven. It is of little consequence, I will find another way. But you are undoing all of my work. I cannot abide such things."

At that, he tossed me to the ground and I groaned as my shoulder made contact. I didn't have enough time to twist and land on my back, figuring that would do the least damage. I was pretty sure something was very out of whack when I finally managed to sit up and then stand after the impact. In his hand was now an orb; black and almost the size of my head. It glowed green. In his other hand was a red light, some kind of magic. "I will take it back," he said, pointing the red light at me. I felt the pain again and my left hand jerked forward. The pain extended from the Mark up my arm and I gripped my wrist with the other hand, my messed up shoulder straining against the pull of his magic.

Nothing else happened. With him distracted by frustration and the dragon breathing down my neck, I jerked into a run and managed to skid onto the trebuchet's launching pad or whatever it was called. There was a sword small enough that I might be able to lift it. My staff was gone, broken beneath the dragon's foot. I had heard the crunch of the wood as it splintered. In my good hand I lifted the sword, using the arm attached to the bad shoulder to help steady it. I held it at waist height, as far up as I could get it with any range of motion. 

"It appears that I cannot take back the magic," he hissed as he drew closer. "It is no matter. I will simply kill you and you will no longer be able to undo my work."

"Just tell me one thing," I started, glancing over the horizon behind him. No signal yet. "...what is with the red lyrium?"

"It makes them better," he offered. "More. Powerful."

"Killing machines. A good army," I countered, eyes lifted to the dragon. I couldn't keep watching the mountainside or else he would think something was up. Finally, I saw the flame out of my peripheral vision. A massive flaming ball of something was launched into the air. They were gone. "Say, Corypheus, has anyone ever told you that you talk an awful lot?"

"What?" he growled, taken aback by my seemingly random comment.

I threw the sword at him, not intending to do any damage, and kicked out at the release of the trebuchet. I wouldn't be able to turn it with my arm messed up. I'm not really sure how it happened, but it worked. An avalanche came down upon us, surrounding us in clouds of snow. The last thing I saw was Corypheus being scooped up by the dragon as I fell through some kind of hole and was covered in snow.

\---

I was cold, I realized. Very cold. Awake and very cold. I did not want to move. I ached everywhere.

 _Do not fall asleep, Marrok. Get up_.

"But I don't want to," I said, although all that came out was a muffled noise.

 _Get up_.

"Mmph," I responded, beginning to dig my way free. The air was almost no better than my little igloo once I finally was able to put two feet in the ground. I was in something like a cave, no idea where I actually was. I took my last healing potion and instantly felt the pain subside in my shoulder.

"Where am I?" I asked, trying to adjust my armor so that I could stop shivering.

 _Somewhere beneath Haven. You must find the others or you will freeze to death_.

"I think I already am," I frowned, rubbing my fingers together. No frost bite yet, but it was only a matter of time. I started propelling myself forward, far harder to do in the snow that went up to my knees than it would have been on flat ground. I walked through the cave, running into only a few baddies - those weird green floating things from the Rifts - before I made it to the mountainside. I had no idea how far I had to go, or even where I was going. Just that Falon kept telling me to move forward.

I collapsed after what seemed like hours of walking, the snow up to my waist as I fell to my knees.

 _You have to keep going_.

"I-I-I c-c-c-can't," I hissed through chattering teeth. "S-s-s-so t-t-tired and c-c-c-cold."

 _Your barrier_ , Falon suggested.

I wasn't sure I could muster up the strength to create one, but it was the best idea she had had so far. I stood, very slowly, and focused all of my remaining energy on creating a barrier of fire that would keep the snow out and the warm in. I think, honestly, it only worked because Solace had pushed me to try in the Fade but work it did. It lasted for a while too, although I had to take my last blue potion.

Just as my energy reserves were drying up, I saw a light in the distance. I couldn't force myself to run, but I pushed and pushed. I didn't quite make it, collapsing again in the snow. I fell forward onto my face, exhausted beyond measure. As the blackness began to overtake me, I heard a voice that sounded familiar say, "That's her!"

 


	15. The Truth of the Matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again short. But whatevs. Reveal time! Not that you guys couldn't see it coming.

I woke up in the Fade and Solace immediately jumped from his seat beside the bed, leaning over me. "Are you all right?"

"Yes...wait, how did you know I was in trouble?"

"We were both pulled from here and when I returned, I couldn't find you," he covered up, face drawn with worry.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. I think. I hope. The last thing I remember, I was collapsing in the snow and someone, I think Cullen, found me."

"What happened?"

So I told him, from the moment he was torn away from me until the moment I found him again. He pulled me into his lap and held me tightly, like a child but with some affection that would be terribly misplaced in that scenario.

"I am so glad you are all right, emm'asha," he murmured into my hair. He held me like that until I fell asleep again, waking up in reality.

My body felt like it was being poked all over by needles. That was the healing magic working, I think, as my skin was saved from possible frost bite. I heard everyone talking in the distance, but couldn't pick out the conversations. Mother Giselle came to me and we discussed what happened after Cassandra found me and asked for details. I laid on the cot for some time. Eventually, someone - Mother Giselle - started singing to stop the arguing. It, miraculously, worked. I didn't know the song but it didn't matter.

Chancellor Roderick called me over and, with his dying breath, told me he believed in me.

For a moment, I did too.

I found Solas as the song died, standing a ways off. He lit a small fire, Veilfire as I had learned in the marsh. He stared at me, hard, for a long moment. He had heard me talk about the orb. He knew what it was. An Elvhen artifact. He spoke of the elves being blamed and I said, "Maybe. But maybe people will learn to forgive."

He didn't have a response. The first thing he did after that was grab me and pull me against him. He held me tightly, as though he would never let me go, before he did. And just like that, we were all business again. But I was glad for the brief moment of affection, whether or not he wanted to admit it.

And that was when he told me about Skyhold.

We walked for what seemed like years to find it, high up in the mountains. Solas had me lead; he wanted the people to continue to believe in me. He told me to scout to the north, to lead the people to our new place. When we arrive in the mountaintop keep, it was everything we needed. We found the castle, or whatever it was, and Cullen seemed to approve.

"You did it," Cassandra said, looking around us as I stood in front of the broken throne.

"We did it," I corrected. "You all saved everyone."

"We couldn't have done it without you."

I shook my head, "I couldn't have done it without you."

"Just take this one," Solas suggested, smiling a little. But only a little.

I shook my head, "We'll share it."

\---

The next day, after a good night's rest spent in Solace's company, I wandered around Skyhold to see where everyone was settling in. It was a nice, easy day full of rest and relaxation. I found myself seated in the room that Solas had taken up in as a study. He was on the couch when I arrived and I took the spot beside him.

"I did not think I would see you again," he blurted at one point, insomuch as Solas can blurt things.

"I told you that you would," I offered, seated sideways on the couch with my back against the armrest and my legs folded in front of me. Solas sat sideways, facing forward although he turned to look at me.

"You did not believe it."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I smiled, resting the side of my head against the back of the couch. "I'm here, aren't I?"

"You are," he responded, a look passing over his face.

"What's wrong, Solas?"

"There is something I would like to...discuss with you. But not here." He stood and returned a few moments later with two cups of tea. We sat in silence and sipped the tea until it was gone. I grew tired and rested my head back against the couch, falling asleep easily.

When I woke up in the Fade, it was not Solace waiting for me, but Solas. We were in the cave, the place I shared with my wolfy friend.

"Wait, we're-" I stopped, looking at Solas. "How did you know how to get here?"

He sighed a little and stood, offering a hand down to me. "I am often unable to express myself appropriately. I feel much more comfortable here in the Fade. There are some things I have waited a long time to tell you. We have known each other for the better part of a year and you surprise me at every turn, emm'asha." He paused, hesitating near the water's edge after he led me there. "After you kissed me, I..."

I waited, nothing. "What, Solas?"

He shook his head and pulled me to him, looking down into my face, "This, all of this, is insanity. Nothing good can come of this."

"Of _what_?" I asked, hands on his chest. He pulled me closer and pressed his lips to mine but briefly before he stole away.

"I am sorry," he said, as he turned and took a few steps into the pool.

And there stood Solace, in Solas' clothes.


	16. Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promised! It's short but mneh. I was going to make the next chapter smutty goodness and I have to get ready for bed anyway. So here is the fluff, and the dirty will come hopefully tomorrow.
> 
> I borrowed some game lines and destroyed some game romance plot. So sue me. (...Please don't...)

Now, you probably think I'm kind of an idiot for not seeing it sooner. Suddenly it all made sense when he was standing in front of me; all of the avoidance and deflection on both of their parts. The tea that made me tired, the words they both used, one after the other. How very _not_ surprised Solas had been when I messed up and said things that didn't make sense.

Because he _knew_. The whole time, he knew the truth about me.

"Wait," I said, taking a step forward. I was in the water and knew my face was truly my own. I approached him, waist deep by then, and reached out to touch his face. "This entire time...both of you...were just _you_?"

"In a manner of speaking. There is more to it, but I cannot explain that now. Just know...yes. It is me. Solace, Solas, whatever name you choose - I am him," he spoke, hand covering mine on his cheek.

"But you...Solace-you, you are so much more..." I shook my head. "Solas is timid but you, we are naked nearly every night."

"It is hard to explain," he frowned a little, taking my hand and holding it between us. "But just know, everything that has been done was of one mind."

"So in the Fade you like me but in the real world...?"

"It's not that," Solace/Solas responded, his other hand curving on my cheek. "You are always...you. And I am always me. Sometimes, however, I cannot help myself."

'Why do you need to?"

The look that passed over his face was one of mixed emotions. Finally he let out a choked response, "You are too good."

Well, _that_ was a bullshit. I dropped his hand and put my own on the sides of his face, pulling him close to me and pressing my lips to his. It was a real kiss; a perfect, magnificent real kiss. He pulled back after a moment and made to move but stopped, turning back to me and sweeping me up against him in another kiss. The passionate kind that steamy romance novels write about. The most wondrous kiss in the history of the entire universe, Earth's or Thedas', up until that moment.

"I'm sorry," he responded against my lips as we pulled apart and I had to stop myself from slapping him.

"What are you sorry for?"

"I shouldn't..."

"You're right. You shouldn't apologize," I smiled at him, hands on his chest again like they had been numerous times before. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"I shouldn't have kissed you."

"On the contrary, you should have been doing it for months."

"It doesn't upset you that I wasn't honest with you?"

"Does it upset you that I never told you, in the real world, the truth about me?"

He shook his head. "I understand why you would keep it a secret."

"Exactly. My only problem is that this whole time I was worried about what it meant to want to be with both of you. Now I know why I did."

I would be lying if I said it wasn't weird. Knowing that both men I cared for were, according to them (him?) the same person caught me way off-guard. But I wasn't going to let that stop me. After a moment of standing in silence, holding each other, we began to speak about the Fade, about my world - what I hadn't already told him - and I kissed him again and again. Eventually we removed ourselves from the water and I made to remove my clothing, nervous but slightly excited at the same time.

"What are you doing?" Solas, now Solas again, asked as he stood beside the bed, dripping on the floor of the cave.

"I'm all wet," I responded, my shirt over my head. "And you have seen me naked a thousand times."

"It...I..."

"Solas," I grinned, now pants-less, "Are you speechless?"

His cheeks colored but his eyes never left me. He did not normally out-right stare at me, but he was watching as my hands removed all but my underthings. When I was all but naked, he moved towards me. He pushed my hair, wet at the ends, over my shoulder and his warm hand burned my skin where he settled it along the curve of my neck.

"Close your eyes, da'len," he whispered, his forehead resting against mine. I did as I was told and he pulled me close with an arm behind me. I expected a kiss but when I opened my eyes, we were in a cell.

A familiar cell.

My cell.

"I sat beside you while you slept," he spoke as he drifted from me, eyes scanning the room. "You were a mystery..." he paused, turning to look at me again. His eyes roamed my face and the tiniest of smiles turned up his lips at the corners. "You still _are_."

"Nothing so mysterious," I responded, shaking my head a little as I lifted my arms to the side and dropped them in a show of acquiescence. "You know all there is to know about me, Solas. Solace. You. Emma lath," I settled on the last, folding my arms across my chest. It was odd to be in my underwear with Solas, even if he was the same person that had seen my naked a thousand times. It felt different.

"But you _are_ ," he shook his head, stepping closer as he slid a hand onto my cheek. I was used to being familiar with Solace and, from time to time, with Solas but this was strange. My heart was thumping in my chest, despite the rather dingy and unromantic surroundings. "A mortal, sent through the Fade. From another world entirely, no less. You are something else, Marrok, something else entirely." He hesitated and slid his hand away, turning from me to open the door. He led me out into Haven and as we walked side by side in silence, we camp upon the place we had first picnicked. It was set up in much the same way; a memory, I imagined. "From the moment I met you and you sealed the Breach, I knew something was different. The night we sat here, and you so easily told off the drunken soldier..." He shook his head, turning back to me with a look that is completely indescribable - adoration, appreciation, concern, curiosity, and so much more - "And then, in the Fade...Marrok, you are not what I expected."

"That's me, crushing expectations since 1994," I grinned at him and he gave me a curious look. "...It's the year I was born. It's...a joke. My mom wasn't expecting me. And such."

Solas' smiled slowly before he began to chuckle, shaking his head. "You see, Marrok, you are...impossible and wonderful."

"You think I'm wonderful?"

He smiled like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar and I couldn't stop myself; I pulled him to me, a hand behind his neck, and pressed our lips together. It was like kissing Solace, only different. It  _felt_  the same, in my bones and in my heart but his lips were different, fuller. His mouth tasted of magic and mint, Solace's of magic and a coolness with no name. My heart sped up as it would were I in a corny movie or novel and my chest constricted as if trying to keep the beating to a dull roar. I remembered what Solace said, about how he shouldn't be kissing me, and pulled back. I made to turn but he caught me by the arm and the look he gave me spoke volumes that his words likely never would. But when he pulled me back to him and I was lost.

His hands were on my bare waist, burning a path across my skin as we kissed in a way I could not recall in all of my life. I had kissed plenty of people of all shapes, sizes, and makes but never with as much passion, intensity, or affection as the kiss I shared then with Solas. 

"Wait..." he breathed against my mouth, pulling back his head but not his body. "We...not...here. Not here."

"You are  _so_ lucky that is how you finished that sentence," I laughed a little and he chuckled slightly, holding me tightly against him. 

"Close your eyes again, da'len."

I knew we were back in the cave without opening my eyes but when I did, I saw directly into the gray-blue ones that belonged to both Solace and Solas, although this pair was set in Solas' face. 

"This is dangerous," he spoke nary above  whisper, his fingers splayed across my back as he held my front pressed flush to his. "And it cannot end well."

"Stop thinking about the ending, we have only just begun," I smiled, lifting a hand to stroke his jaw. An idea hit me, an idea that could very well have ruined everything; my hand trailed up along the line of his jaw to the lower lobe of his ear. I continued the path up, running the tip of my index finger around the pointed end of his ear and down along the shorter top half again. He shivered against me and when he spoke next, it was in a barely contained growl.

"I am trying to reason with you, Marrok. You do not understand what is at stake here."

"I understand fully," I responded, although I doubted that was true. "I have spent the better part of a year trying to get you to notice me, Solas."

"Oh, I have most certainly noticed you," was his response, low and gravelly with emotion. His eyes were darkened then, by what I hoped was lust and not rage. "I, however, have spent the better part of a year trying  _not_ to."

"Why?"

"What I am asking of you is no small task," he shook his head, his grip loosening a little although he did not completely remove himself from me. "You use such words as 'emma lath'. Do you know what such things mean?"

"Yes," I nodded without hesitation, hands clenching the sides of his collar in fists as I pulled him closer again. "I have done my research, ma vhenan."

He shivered again, although I believe this was for an entirely different reason. "I will give you one last chance to say no, Marrok. If you do not, I fear all is lost."

"Sounds like a trip," I murmured, not loosening my grip on his shirt. 

His eyes searched mine for a long moment before he caused our lips to meet and we were lost. But the very best kind.


	17. Ma Sa'Lath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is smut in this chapter. And will possibly be more later, but this is all my muse would come up with. It's not the smuttiest of smut, but I think that'll be happening eventually. 
> 
> Also. I know the Solace/Solas thing is weird and it will make sense eventually. Like...end of story eventually. But eventually. If anyone wants to know without waiting, go ahead and message/email me.

We stumbled into the pool and I knew he wore Solace's face.

"As we truly are," he spoke, voice different but the same. I wasn't sure what he meant by  _he_ truly was because he was  _both_ , wasn't he? But it was all right. His hands were on me and his body was against mine. The last thing I wanted to think about was semantics. "I wanted the first time to be between us, as we are meant to be."

"What do I call you?"

"'Ma sa'lath'," he responded, with a smile that melted my heart. And I didn't care that he was avoiding what was potentially a huge part of the truth of us because he was lifting me onto the side of the pool, my feet still in the water. He was standing in front of me, my knees closed just below his chin.

"Ma sa'lath," I repeated. My only love. I had called them both "my love" on more than one occasion.  _My only_ made me smile. I had known them both for months; I would have easily responded with "I love you" had either of them said it. I didn't want ti say it first; call me old-fashioned. Or a chicken, probably.

"Yes, ma vhenan?" he murmured against my skin, his hands cool against my calves.

"Mmm," I made a noise of contentment, sliding a hand through his hair, the other behind me to prop myself up. My body was a jumple of nerves but it felt right, no matter how many unanswered questions I had. I wanted  _him_ , no matter the face. I knew it was all the same person, as much as two people can be. The looks, their eyes, their words. Solace was more...forthcoming but I kind of figured it was because he felt more comfortable in the Fade or as this person. Or maybe something else was going on but cool hands were sliding up my legs. In the Fade, they were smooth. I wondered if Orlesians shaved. I think I had lighter and less hair as an elf than I ever had as a human. I may not have had any - I didn't really pay any attention to the state of my legs and right then I couldn't be bothered either way as his lips were leaving a trail of neat little along my skin. I could feel the gentle tug of his hands to part my legs and I did not resist him. I could feel the blood rush to two different places all at once and felt suddenly light-headed as he spread my legs and stood between them.

"Elf or human, you are perfection," he spoke quietly, his voice a low rumble that slid along my nerves like silk.

I  believed him. Not because I thought I was particularly special or awesome but because he promised he would never lie and the look in his eyes bespoke a level of need and want that I had never seen before.

And I had dated frat boys.

He kissed along the inside of my thighs, his arms curved beneath my knees and wrists bent so that his hands cupped around my outer thighs. His knees must've been bent beneath the water because the closer he drew to my center, I realized that he was too tall to be doing so flat-footed. His tongue slid along my leg and I nearly jumped but both he and I kept me steady.

He nipped at my skin lightly before his hands moved to the inside of my thighs and I could feel his breath on my core. My toes were curling before his tongue darted out, sliding along the part of me that was already aching for him and slid to the most sensitive part of my body. I let out a heavy sigh, both of my hands behind me to hold me up. I dropped my head back and closed my eyes as he began to lavish me with attention. His tongue stoked the fires he had started with his look and his words, with the kisses from before. He used short, quick strokes meant to cause me to crave more and more of him and it was  _working_ , let me tell you.

His tongue on my clit was like heaven and I didn't even realize I was making noise until "ma sa'lath" slid from my lips. He slowly began to trace a finger along a similar path to his tongue before it slowly began to work itself inside of me and I felt like I was dying, but in a good way.

He worked me into an orgasm within minutes, his finger crooked inside of my coaxing me to climax. I was shaking with the force of it, fingers trying to dig into the stone beneath me and I was lucky I didn't break any nails because the pain would've been quite distracting.

He let me ride it out, my hips moving against him without my express consent. When I settled in he slid his finger from me, flicking his tongue over the central hub of my nerves once more before raking his hands down my thighs.

"Marrok," he growled, eyes dark and the wolfish smile on his lips more filled with desire than I could remember. 

"Y-yes?" I squeaked; not sexy. Not sexy at all.

He tugged me into the water with his hands around my hips; my ass slid across the stone floor of the cave but I didn't care. Couldn't bother. He pressed me against the wall I had been sitting atop and wrapped my legs around him. I could feel his hardness pressed against my leg through the trousers he had never taken off. "Don't...move..." he demanded, dropping his head and covering my mouth with his. I didn't taste anything but his magic and coolness, my entire body aching for more of him. When he pulled away, I didn't close my eyes. I didn't turn my head. I watched him, unabashedly, remove his sodden clothes. He dipped his head under the water to remove his shoes and pants. He could hold his breath for an ungodly long amount of time. Eventually he was standing before me, naked as the day he was born and as he had been numerous nights with me.

"I don't think you have any idea," he began as he moved close to me again, lifting me in the water against the wall but not pressing himself against me, "I have wanted to do this. Being with you, here, naked, every night...was the most delicious torture that has ever been utilized."

I didn't even have words. I looked up into his face, forearms pressed to the space just below his neck and hands on my own elbows. I pulled him closer and kissed him in much the same way I had been the entire evening. Afternoon. Whatever time it was. During the kiss, he lifted my legs around his hips again but I still wasn't flush against him.

"I have to insist, however," he spoke as we broke apart, breathing ragged. "...I will give you one last chance to deny me."

"I never will, ma sa'lath," I breathed, looking directly into the pair of eyes he shared with Solas. 

"Never is a very long time."

"I am  _fully_ aware," I smiled, dodging forward to steal his lips briefly. "And I meant it, to the best of my abilities. Ma emma lath."

"Ma..." he started, one of his hands coming from the water to cup my cheek. He just looked at me, hard, for a long time before he leaned in and kissed me again. When he pulled back enough to speak, our foreheads were pressed together and all I could see was his eyes. "Ma'arlath."

I didn't know what it meant, not really, but I didn't have to. I didn't need the words in English to know what he meant to tell me. "Ma'arlath," I repeated and he took me against the wall, sliding into me below the waist and exploring my mouth with his tongue in a furious expression of emotion. The stone dug into my back but I didn't care. The water didn't do me any favors in the nether region, but I didn't care. I couldn't. He was kissing me, loving me. It was rough and fierce, but it was perfect. Besides, I wouldn't  _feel_ it when I woke up.

We came together, something jabbing me in the back and his fingers digging into my hips. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered except 'ma'arlath' and his breath, murmuring Elvhen sweet nothings (I think, at least) against the crook of my neck as he both caught our breath.

When I woke up from the Fade, I half expected to be sore although the only soreness I felt was in my neck from having it slump against the couch. When I sat up, Solas yawned a little before he turned to look at me. When he spoke, his voice was lower than normal and the look on his face was every bit as Solace-y as ever.

"Sleep well?"

"Mmm," I responded, shifting on the couch so that I was sitting astride him. I put my hands on either side of his head against the back of the couch. "I could _show_ you just _how_ well."

I could _feel_ his agreement against me and saw the look of agreement pass over his face as his hands found my hips. " _Not here_ ," he murmured, fingers tightening against me.

I frowned, pulling back from him and sliding back onto the couch. I was pouting like a petulant child and I knew it.

He chuckled at me, standing with his arms folded across his chest. "What are you doing? I thought you were going to _show me_."

I raised an eyebrow at him, still pouting. "But you said-"

"The doors do not lock," he rolled his eyes, still smiling, as he offered me his hand.

And I took it.

We snuck to my room in an effort to avoid any unnecessary or distracting conversation. Fortunately Varric was off doing whatever it was that he did and most of the visiting nobles didn't give a hoot about me. We made it passed everyone and into the stairway that led to my room before I closed the door behind us. He pressed me lightly against it before he slid his arm behind me and pulled me against him. "I know...I know what you said, before. But that may be different for you. I need to know...This is a bad idea." He stopped, sighing. "I should not be encouraging this. The Fade was impulsive and ill-considered. We should-"

"-I love you," I blurted, my face flushing ridiculously. A look of shock registered on his face and he pulled back a little, looking down at me with his hands loosely on me still. "I love you," I repeated, less hurried and more confident. "Solas. Solace. Both of you, all of you. I've known it for a while, but...well, I didn't think you...you know, cared-"

"Don't be a fool," he hissed, eyes searching mine as he pulled me close again. "I told you-"

"And now you're pulling away," I frowned. I could feel the heat and prick of tears; I was such a baby. _I will not cry. I will not cry._   **I will not cry**.

He groaned and pulled back, completely letting go of me. He turned away, lifting a hand to his head and turned around, walking back towards me. When he stopped in front of me, he dropped his hand. "This is a terrible idea. It will only end it heartache and misery."

"So...there's this movie," I started, unsure of how the hell else to keep myself distracted enough not to start crying like an idiot, "...but that's not important. Basically there's a woman and a man that love each other and the woman is afraid to love him because she's sick and is going to die. But he tells her...Solas, he tells her 'there are only two types of love stories in the world. Girl leaves guy, and guy leaves girl.' And it's _true_ , Solas. But I'll tell you something - I would rather get to be with you, even if I die tomorrow, than to have you walk back through that door and pretend like I never told you-"

"I love you," he cut me off, looking terrified and in pain at the words.

"Wait...what?" I stilled, eyes wide as I looked up at him. He pressed forward and pulled me to him like he had in Haven, when he stole a kiss. And he stole another. And another.

"You cannot understand what this means," he spoke, breathing heavily as the kiss ended with me against the door. We had thumped loudly against it and I imagined that there were some looks but no one knocked. We wouldn't have answered. "Marrok, what is happening here is beyond..." He shook his head, sighing heavily.

"Damn it, Solas, stop trying to convince me out of something I don't have a choice in," I smiled a little, lifting a hand to trail a finger along his ear. He shivered, eyes closing briefly. "Whether or not you go up those stairs with me, I am going to love you. It isn't something that just _stops_."

"I hope, for your sake, you are wrong," he responded quietly and shook his head, even though he pulled me to him and kissed me again. It was full of passion but a sadness too; much slower but no less intense, although it was fierce in a different way. It was as if he had already left me. That was always what kissing Solas was like, I realized. Kissing Solace was like he never wanted to let me go and kissing Solas was like he already had.

Making love was the same way - and I say this because the first time, with both versions of the man I loved, were clearly an expression of pent-up emotions. It was like I was with two different people entirely, although I believed that they were not. How else would Solas know what had happened in the Fade? But the slow pace, the exploration, the look in his eyes was polar opposite to that of Solace's ministrations. Solas worshiped me from head to toe and I returned the favor. I used every trick I knew to drive him crazy; I knew sex wasn't what would make him know that I was serious, but I didn't think it would hurt.

We fell asleep again after; I didn't let him leave the bed, clung to him like a child. I was glad to see Solace again, but suddenly not so much. I couldn't talk to him about it. I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I was, suddenly, alone again.

"Is something the matter?" Solace asked as we waded in the pool.

His face was covered in concern and I forced a smile, shaking my head. "No. Just...digesting. I just don't..." I sighed heavily, dunking myself under the water and staying as long as I could before my lung clawed for air. I wasn't sure how that worked, because I didn't really need to breathe, but it happened just the same. Maybe it was all in my head. "I don't understand," I finalized as I slicked my hair back. "I don't understand how you can be the same person but be so different."

"It's different," he responded with a shrug. "Here and there. It's different. Here...there is no end," he looked around us before looking back to him. "A thousand years from now, you and I can be here, like this, just the same. Out there, you could die any second. He - I - could lose you at the drop of a hat, but here I have nothing to worry about. You will always come back to me."

I still didn't really understand and was seriously beginning to question their answers but I couldn't be bothered to worry about it when Solace wanted to go again. I fell asleep against him afterwards and woke up to find Solas, stark naked, standing on my balcony.

I came up behind him and slid my hands around his torso, splaying my fingers over his bear chest and pressing my lips to his shoulder. He lifted his hands, arms crossed and his fingers curled around mine but not removing me from him.

"Marrok, I am afraid we have made a dire mistake."

"Maybe," I shrugged against him, pressing my cheek against his skin and turning my head to look over the side of the balcony. "But I intend to make the same mistake over and over again, if you'll have me."

"Over and over again," was his response, in the same low voice he had used upon waking the first time that day. He lowered his hands and I did the same. Our second time together was slow still, trailing from the cold stone to the warm bed. We made love with me on top, his hands all over my body as I moved over him. It was long, slow, and sweet. The orgasms that I had were gentle but intense in their own way and when we finished, I didn't move.

I took his hands and laced our fingers, looking down at his face over our pillows. My pillows. Whatever. "I could get used to this."

"To what?" he responded, eyes flickering from our hands to my face. A smile stole across his lips and he didn't back-pedal, apologize, or try to turn tail and run.

"This," I lifted one pair of our joined hands, waving them around a little. I shrugged a little, "Having you here with me. With me, with me. Being able to touch you without worrying about whether or not you are going to freak out."

"What do you mean, 'freak out'?"

"...Start apologizing and back-track and leave me wishing you would just  _kiss me_ already."

"Is that so? And how long have you been wishing that?"

"How long have we known each other?"

And he laughed.


	18. His Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guest appearance by my Marion Hawke from _Rogue_. Spoilers if you haven't read it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all my lovely readers, reviewers, and kudosers. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate, happy Wednesday and Thursday to those that don't. I probably won't be able to update until...well, Sunday? I'll see what I can do. Trust me. I'd rather be writing!

Solas left to find us food. I wasn't sure how long he would be gone or how long our solitude would last, but I was going to enjoy every minute that he let me.

 _You should be careful_.

Falon caught me off-guard and I rolled over in bed, throwing a pillow over my head. I spoke, mumbling into the bed beneath me. "Not you too."

_I am not trying to tell you what to do with yourself or your heart, da'len. Merely that you must be careful, for your own sake. There is much you have yet to learn about this place and the people that you call friends._

That was probably the longest sentiment outside of explaining something about elves that Falon had ever shared. Despite the fact that I didn't want to, I took it to heart.

I removed the pillow from my head and stood, moving out onto the balcony. It was frigid but magnificent. I felt  _alive_.

I stood in the brisk wind, leaning down on my arms against the chilly railing. The door to my room opened and closed, followed by footsteps.

"Herald?" The voice belonged to none other than Cullen.

I turned around, arms folded over my chest. He stared at me for a second before he shook his head and turned sideways. "I apologize, Herald. I did not anticipate that you would be undressed."

"I very rarely wear clothes when I can avoid it."

He half-sighed, half-chuckled. "There was someone in my life much like that before all of this began...but that is not why I am here. Your advisers, myself included, would like to speak with you this evening. After you have finished your dinner, of course."

"Can do. In the War Room?"

"Yes, Herald."

I rolled my eyes, "Seriously, Commander. Call me Marrok. How long have we been doing this?"

He laughed a little again and mvoed away, making for the door. "As you wish, Marrok."

Solas arrived as Cullen Left, arms laden with a tray of foodstuffs. Apparently the commander smiled and ducked his head after saying hello. Solas seemed unperturbed as we settled in to eat on the floor at the end of my bed. I had put on underwear and a breastband mostly because eating naked seemed...messy.

About halfway through, Solas paused in his eating and I could feel his eyes on me. "This may prove problematic."

"What?"

"Your desire to remain mostly undressed."

"Why?" I smiled at him,  "don't enjoy the scenery?"

"Quite the contrary," he responded lowly, his hand settling on my thigh. It slid slowly upwards, warm against my air-cooled skin. "It is difficult to focus on other tasks with you so prepared for my touch."

His words sent a rush of fire through my veins and I was in his lap in an instant; it didn't register that my mouth tasted of those grape things because I was too much in love with the idea of being his for the third time that day - or fifth, depending on what you're counting. The advisers would have to wait for me - they truly didn't have a choice. And I had better plans than discussing death and destruction.

I wanted to fall asleep again afterward but Solas wouldn't let me - he reminded me that I had things that needed to be done and eventually prodded me into dressing.

I must've been smiling like a fool when I entered the War Room because Josephine asked why I was in such a good mood.

"Good day," I responded. Cullen blushed a little and cleared his throat but didn't say anything about seeing Solas enter my bedroom with me naked and waiting.

"Sp we have called you here because we have been discussing the state of the Inquisition. We need a leader."

"What about Cassandra?"

The Nevarran woman shook her head, "You are the Herald of Andraste. You saved all of Haven. You have the Mark upon your hand."

"But I'm not anybody special, guys. Definitely not a **leader**."

"Are you declining?" Leliana asked, frowning.

"No, not as such...just, are you  _sure_? I mean, I'm not really a member of the society and the only battle experience I have has been with you."

Josephine shook her head, "You misunderstand, Marrok. We are asking you only to continue as you are - as a beacon of hope. There has been a flood of people offering themselves to the cause of the Inquisition. We believe  _you_ are the best suited to be the Inquisitor."

"Well, then," I smiled and lifted my hands, palms-up in a show of acquiescence, "I suppose I am your Inquisitor then. On one condition, though."

"What's that?" Josephine asked, pen poised as if she would need to requisition something for me.

"For the love of all that is holy, you guys  _have_ to call me Marrok."

And they laughed.  _Even_ Leliana.

We turned to business after that, discussing many necessary things. When I left, I nearly ran over Varric.

"Hey Inquisitor."

" _Varric_."

He cleared his throat and chuckled, rolling his eyes a little. " _Marrok_."

"And how did you know?"

"The walls have ears. But that isn't why I came. Care for a pint?"

"Are you buying?"

"You  _own_ the tavern." _  
_

"Not _really_ ," I waved my hand dismissively.

"Yes, really," he responded as we made our way through the castle-like building and out into the brisk night air.

"Fine, you don't have to buy. But what's the occasion?"

"I have something to talk to you about."

"And a noisy tavern is your choice of venue?" I laughed as we crossed the grounds.

"You'll  _probably_ want a drink."

"Oh. Well. Okay, then." I smiled at him and he held the door for me. A cry of "Herald!" from the patrons greeted us as I stopped to speak to everyone that wanted my attention. I felt like a movie star or something.

After the offer of multiple rounds that I asked for a rain check on, Varric and I made our way to the quietest of tables in the darkest of corners.

"I feel like you're going to tell me you're secretly my brother or something. Or you're going to kill me."

Varric chuckled, shaking his head as he lifted his mug to his mouth. After he swallowed, he shook his head. "No, but what I am about to tell you is a secret. Especially from Cassandra. Unless you want me thrown off of your balcony."

"I don't want to know, Varric. I mean, I don't want to know why Cassandra would kill you." I paused, taking a drink, before I grinned at him. "Okay. That's a lie."

"Because I lied to her about Hawke."

"Like  _Hawke_ , Hawke? Viscountess of Kirkwall?"

"And Cullen's wife."

" _What_?" 

"Don't tell him I told you. It was... a hard courtship and marriage, but not for the reasons you'd think. But yes, they are married. And, despite the fact that they haven't seen each other in years, she still loves him. I can tell."

"Does she know he's here?"

Varric shook his head, "I don't think she would come to see you if she did."

"Wait...she's coming  _here_? Why?"

"I told you that we faced Corypheus before, didn't I?"

I shook my head before I took a drink and took several more sips as Varric told me the story, how they had found the once-magister in a Warden prison.

"So she killed him?"

"We thought so. She feels responsible for all of this." Again Varric turned his head slightly from side to side in a negative, frowning a little. He took a long swig before speaking again. "That's a problem of hers, thinking she's responsible for an awful lot of things. Surprised it hasn't killed her yet, although it's tried. But, that's a story for another time. She offered to come to help you, if she can."

"What is she going to do when she finds out Cullen is here?"

"Probably throw me off a rampart."

"I think that's closer to the ground than my balcony, at least."

He laughed and we drank. Hawke would arrive in two days' time. He had written to her the second I had told him about Corypheus.

We drank until I couldn't stand and told Varric my 21st birthday was a week away - and almost told him where I was from but managed to stop myself. I wasn't sure when my birthday really was, but it seemed about right, give or take a month.

"Oh, good. Hawke loves parties," he told me as we slumped our way back to the keep.

The next two days were spent making Skyhold better. I wasn't much good at manual labor, but I tried to help with what I could. I was completely worn out both nights and snuggled into Solas after drinking the tea he offered to me.

Nights with Solace were filled with affection and doting. He showed me all over the Fade, made love to me in a million different places. It varied; sometimes it was intense and almost rough like the first night, and sometimes it was slower. But it was always fun.

Let's not get caught up in that again just yet. There are some more important things to discuss - at least more important at this particular moment.

The day that Hawke was to arrive, Varric stole me away from a book I had been reading in Solas' presence. "Hey there Chuckles," Varric said, strolling in like he owned the place. "Can I borrow the Inquisitor?"

Solas swooped his arm out to gesture in a 'go ahead' way, with the smallest of smiles that he would pay for later. 

"A little  _birdie_ told me that something has arrived for you, Marrok," Varric said as he raised his eyebrows at me. I lowered the book, looking at him quizzically.

"I wasn't expect- oh," I paused, setting the book down before I jumped up. " _Oh_. Okay. Right. Coming."

Solas was watching us curiously but I waved at him, passing over the normal kiss because we hadn't actually told anyone yet, and followed Varric all across the grounds and ramparts.

We were about twenty feet away when we stopped; from our vantage point, we could see Commander Cullen approaching a hooded figure on one of the flat sections used for whatever flat sections of walls are used for.

"Excuse me, there. I must insist that you-"

"Cullen?" came a voice, high with surprise as the figure spun about. The hood was pulled back, dropped against the armor that the woman wore. Her dark hair was long, well passed her shoulders. It looked well-kept, which I had not expected from the tales. Her face was long, what we would call 'androgynous' back home. Not unattractive, but not like movie-star. Like a model, more than anything. The sort of face that you remember, even if you don't know why. The look on her face was indescribable with pain, happiness, confusion, and concern. "Cullen? Is that...Oh dear Maker," her voice grew quieter and she stepped forward once, hand out towards him.

" _Marion_?" Cullen squeaked - yes, like a boy whose voice was cracking from puberty - and he drove forward, crushing her armored chest against his. "Marion, oh sweet Andraste, is it really you?"

I tugged Varric's elbow and turned away, walking out of ear shot for the rest of their reunion.

It was several minutes before a shout of "VARRIC!" drew our attention back. He looked like he was walking with his tail between his legs as we made our way down the steps to join the Commander and his wife.

 


End file.
